i have had terrible anxiety for a while, off and on, and haven't been feeling that well (allergies).
yesterday i took a xanax at three different times...the second one didn't help at all.
my roommate is in her own, little world, and ignores virtually most of what i say... but when she talks to me, it seems i have to stop everything and listen to her. she's been like this for 60 years, and i've tried to accept it, and mostly i do... but with the anxiety of late, i snapped at her this morning and told her she might consider that everything is not all about her all the time... BLAH! I did apologize, but it was coming.
I feel totally ALONE here, ignored and mostly invisible. i have no friends here other than her, and with a friend like her.....?? ugh
plus my roommate's arm is still not healed... she had to have surgery for a torn ligament on the same wrist just a few weeks ago... so she's in almost constant (mental) misery because of it... as if it is a death sentence. i feel badly that she has to go through all of this stuff with a cast again, BUT, at least she's home and can do the things she is able.... when i had a broken arm and leg, i was in a hospital for four months, over 200 miles away from everyone i knew, didn't even have a television... and i survived. like i said, at least she's home.
the other day we went to the hardware store, and there was a lady talking on her cell phone in front of us... my room mate said loudly, "don't you HATE it when people are talking on their cell phones right in front of you?"
.... and no, i don't hate it, i couldn't help overhearing the lady's conversation because she was a foot away from me, and it didn't affect my life. the lady wasn't even on the phone for three minutes... i didnt' understand my roommate's comment or the reason she had to make it... she made a fool of herself, but this is how we are when our mentality hasn't exceeded 8th grade.
EVERYTHING is bothering me, it seems. usually, i would just take a comment like hers with a grain of salt, and forget about it... but everything is piling up in my mind because of the anxiety.
i finally found a medical clinic which takes medicaid here, but every time i call to make an appointment i get a recording which says they are busy with other patients, and leave a message they will call back. I left three messages, no return call. so i will just drive over there to make an appointment, i suppose.
otherwise another, mutual friend is visiting next week and i believe she's staying for a week. i HOPE we have a good time? it's hard to tell. i'm nervous about it too.
i have been working on my art commissions again over the last few days, at least trying. i'm scared i will mess them up, so had not worked on them in about 2 weeks... but they are coming along... (k, really! i have!).
so that's what i've been up to. i'm going to try and get back here later, so i can see what you've all been up to and respond to some posts.
take care everyone, francie
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