Hello everyone,
I’ve always said, well actually thought since I usually don’t talk about my disease that nobody in my family or friends would understand what has happened to me. Actually I can think back to when I was young that I had a problem of some source. My parents actually got some testing done on me, but what did they have back in the 60’s to diagnose. Did they even know what Bipolar was? Besides I don’t think they wanted to spend the money on me.
I can remember the manic times, but I always thought while enjoying the manic times that it would change soon.
Now jump forward to current day. Bipolar, Depression, Social Anxiety Disorder, and Insomnia are the things I am dealing with. My family especially my mother has no idea what this stuff is. For instance, if I am in a manic state my mother thinks that I am cured and we don’t have to worry about these illnesses any longer. She will never talk to others about my disorders and as these disorders are getting worse I think she is becoming ashamed of me. I told my mother yesterday night while visiting that my prescriptions since the beginning of the year until now came to a little over $9,000 and that I personally had to pay over $4,050. My mothers response was basically, talk to the doctors and get down from 16 prescriptions a month to one or two.
I had been hoping for a small contribution to my savings for next years phase 2. I also was upset when even during the two latest times that I have been hospitalized for one or more of these diseases I did not have any visitors, My two sisters, mother and stepfather, and Father and Stepmother all were no shows.
I used to have a great friend. We would go everywhere together. But now with my Anxieties, I don’t even walk outside the house for days at a time. My friend is “go go go” so he doesn’t understand why I don’t go out to lunch or dinner several times a week.
I do have some help. My second and permanent Wife has been understanding and helpful. She however suffers from the same diseases as I do. Maybe even worse. But she usually does her best to love me, and you can’t get much better than that. She even forgave me for dumping her. You may remember her entry of a month ago alluding to me dumping her. Then the rest was the story of me turning too hard on a jet ski and “dumping” her off into the water. My fear is that I am not doing enough to help her. I will always love her though and I hope that helps some.
Elwood
PS This is the most I have posted in one sitting.
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