newbie

[amri1982]

Hi there, i am new not only in this forum but any forum online.  I am international, in the sense i am not american but my husband who has Bp is from England.  He's been having this since he was a teenager, i think its been in his family for a while - both his parents' sides.  It is a uphill battle but the good news is, he does take his medication.. unfortunately we dont have a proper doctor here to treat him :-( does anyone know of a good doc in Sri Lanka (random, i know)... I love him and i want our marriage to work but sometimes its just so hard.. there are plenty of good times but when the bad times occur and he has an episode that lasts for more than a day, i just feel helpless.. we also have a baby boy who adores him but is now beginning to be scared of him... what can i do?  

[Phyllis]

Hi amri, welcome to the board.
Sorry, I can't help you find a doc. I think that is one of the hardest things about BP is trying to find a good doc. The only advice I can give you is to keep on loving your husband. Remember that he has BP and he struggles with it everyday, even when he is having a good day, because we never know how long those are going to last. If things get rough, like if he is having a bad day, help as much as you can, we know you [our spouses] can only do so much and get frustrated with this disorder as much as we do. Maybe someone else will chime in and give you some good advice.

Again, welcome to the board!

[KissMeImBiPolar]

Hi Amri! My name is Chelbie, I have Bipolar I.  I've had it for 25 years, but was only diagnosed technically with it last February 2007.  Hope you can find what you  need here!!!



Hope you enjoy your stay!!!

Hugs,
~*~Chelbie~~

[amri1982]

thank you all.. you are too kind.. i am trying to stay strong and i keep loving him.. thats all i can do really... but he's such a wonderful person, father and husband when he's well.. i just pray he will be ok.. we are going to singapore to see a good doc next week, i hope...

[high maintenence]

It is so wonderful to have you here!
In response to your post...It's even hard to find a good doctor here, but from what I understand, it's virtually impossible to retain one in other countries. I know it is very frustrating to be a spouse of someone with bp...I watch my husband struggle with it everyday. I have bipolar and I am 95% of the time angry and depressed. Nothing seems to be working for me. You said that you feel helpless and the fact is that you pretty much are helpless in this situation, but think of it this way, none of this is because of you. My husband, as well as all husbands have faults too and we are just as helpless in changing their faults as you are in changing his faults. The only difference is that he really and truly cannot control them at this point. It's not hopeless. There are people here that do control their illness very well, although I've not found that possible yet for myself. Just remember that it is not your fault. Some people just cannot handle living in the environment that comes with Bp and that's nothing to be ashamed of, but consider how he would feel if he had to go through this alone. With that being said, I'm not walking in your shoes so I honestly can't analyze your situation. Remember the vows of in sickness and in health. This is an illness.

This is also my first forum ever and I've never joined another. This one satifies me plenty. I've learned so much on this site and received so much comfort and I know you will as well. It shows that you love him and want to help because you are here, learning what you can. That is to be commended because alot of people spouses that are on this forum do not support them or even act like they care. Also, on the flipside, there are many of us that have very supportive spouses, so you should get a wide range of viewpoints here...

  Jennifer 

[amri1982]

Hi all,
firstly Jennifer, thanks for your long message... and everyone else.. i feel so welcome    its really a nice feeling to meet so many people who are either going through the same thing as me (as a spouse) or dealing with this  

One of the other concerns i have about my hubby is that he is quite forgetful and he then accuses my staff that work at home (yes, we are priviledged in Sri Lanka, having drivers and servants) of stealing his stuff... he always buys extra things and i am surprised he even keeps track of everything too.. is this a common thing? how do i help him get over this? it stresses me out because i have to balance the household too and its tough balancing work, his things, my stuff, my son etc.

i know he is not accusing me persay but it still is pretty hurtful when you see the person you love accusing you of things ranging from cheating on him to loosing his things... but i am hoping things get better!!

we are hoping to see this doc in s'pore as i mentioned but i pray that will him and we may start seeing him regularly too.. i just want him to get better..

any other options for him to keep busy?

[Phyllis]

amri-

forgetfulness is a big problem for all of us here. we actually just had a thread going about this. I had posted the question if my forgetfulness was the BP or if it was the meds doing it to me. Well, we have all come to the conclusion that it is both. I know I forget things right after I say them. People say I have said one thing, but I know I said something else. Then it makes me feel paranoid that they are just screwing with my head to make me think I am going crazy. But that is not the case.

Paranoia gets us all too. I just recently thought my daughter stole some money from me and basically accused her of it which hurt her feelings. But I KNEW I had that money in my wallet. Well after a day or so, I remembered that I spent the money and I forgot I did.

I can't really give you any advice on how to help your husband with this, because we/I are still trying to overcome the forgetfulness and the paranoia our/myself. But I can tell you that as a spouse this is a difficult disorder to deal with. It is best that your husband just knows you are there and supporting him. That is a huge thing for us, support. Sometimes it is difficult. But you have to remember that we can't help half of the things we do although we try really really hard to be 'normal'.

[amri1982]

thanks Phyllis... it is reassuring to me to know that... i worry because he runs around accusing people.. usually it would really tick me off because he would call me when i am at meetings at work and rant about people taking his stuff.. but now i realize its just both the meds/condition.. i am trying to be more patient 

[chasemanzmum]

welcome to our party