oh shit im at it again

[nordicnicki]

i seem to be collecting men again and a smalll voice in my head is saying dont go there and stop now,,,,but its a small insignificant voice that im not sure i want to acknowledge..
at the time its great fun all the flirting and catching them then after the crunch i feel shit and have a string of hanger ons that i dont know what to do with or want to hurt,they all fall so easily....my last count was six...what the fuck.why the hell do i do this

[Joe Buck]

 Human behavior is one fascinating subject. Below is a basic outline & URL to the site. You look at all the contributing areas...throw in the complexity of a emotional based illness as BPD...& "god-dam" the sky's the limit to what your behavior is at any set time. Most of these factors...are always changing...one's environment changes...there is no answer to the "allusive truth" of human behavior.

  http://library.thinkquest.org/26618/

 

 Psychology of behavior

Theory of behavior
Basic drives and motives
Social influences
Emotions   
 
 
 Biological base of behavior

The nervous system
Genetic influences
Influences of hormones
Biological rhythms
 
 
 
 Daily behavior

Gestures
Influencing daily behavior
Body language
Examples of body language
Reading body signals
 
 
 
 Behavioral disorders

Defining abnormal behavior
Addiction
Split-brain
Personality disorders
Alzheimer's disease
Autism
Phobias

 
 
 
 Cognitive Processes

Mental representation
Memory
Language
Intelligence
Learning


                                                                                                               Dr. Clinically Dead ,
                                                                                                               Joe Buck (Bob)
 

 
 

[donna14]

Nicki,
     You know that what you are doing is not in your best interest.  That is good.  It means you are not totally out there.  Stop and think, "What is this behavior doing to my family?"  You have already said how it makes you feel when it is over.  The best thing I have found is to not put myself in any situation that might turn out badly.  I know when my judgment is impaired so I just try hard to not have to make those decisions.  I know this probably does not help much but maybe it is something.

Donna

[clayton]

Nicki: Not much I can say--never collected women myself--its your self-determinism--
do you want a dozen, two dozen, or what? I dont see any harm in it, actually, beides your bad reaction to it, and if you have a bad reaction you just have to get control of yourself, if tht's possible, and not start in the first place---

[KATE336]

you like the sense of being liked and can't get enough? a glutton for affection? maybe it stems from not getting enough affection in your life.

[nordicnicki]

this is one of those posts that at the time i needed to type but now wish i hadnt....it all hits too many raw nerves for me and thinking about it more and more brings to light many hangups from my life going back as far as i can remember.when manic i just go with the flow of things but i think kate has some valid points also on my reasons for this along with some other stuff that i think is best kept to myself............im sorry that you all had to read this post and im sorry i wrote it.....just as much as i am sorry for being who i am.......i dont deserve anything and thats just how it should be for me

[KATE336]

Please, Nicki. You deserve things---affection that you WANT, too. You are a very sweet young woman. Think about the kind of love you want and how you can pursue it. Have hope! Maybe when you get into these behaviors, say no by concentrating on the affection that makes you feel good and not guilty in the end.

I often get into discussions with my caseworker---who wants me? I have been a BP mess so many times! She assures me that people even in worse situations than mine find love. I am like---whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? But yeah. She don't lie.

I relate to you and I am glad you post. I especially related to that post you made about emailing the rocker from the band. I get zealous over "bad religion". Got some bad erotomania with the lead singer. Thought he was in love with me after a few meetings at shows. I would make him things, spend 24-7 on his band's message board...he was very gracious about it all. He is great to his fans. But I know I was living a delusion and it took up a lot of valuable time---though it was manic time---I don't know how much of that time is productive...
But I know I need to give up that band, it is a TRIGGER.
Maybe you go to a place that is a trigger for hooking up? Maybe commit to avoid these places.
I really need to focus on discipline. I need to remember what has set me off in the past so next time I won't let the same thing make me feel bad in the end over and over.
I always feel like such a fool when I come down. How could I think this guy was in love with me? But I have gone back to that idea. I know I have to quit!
I hope this helps at least a little.

[Cathy]

Never be sorry for being you, Nicki. The slogan of this place is about us being ourselves and accepting each other for it.

[nordicnicki]

whittled them down to three now and i know that two i have to be shot of so i can stay with the person that i really love and i know loves me for what i am