Jennifer's "ATM" & my BP thinking process

[Joe Buck]

Jennifer (& all).. "atm" I believe that translates to: "at the moment" ...I got a big kick out of that.(surprised I deciphered it) It's not that I, having BPD, have the corner on this "atm" way of thinking" I have no control over the future". For many years I would critique my past...most of us are familiar...wouldia, couldia, shouldia. Then the future...I wish for this...fret about that...come on...can I possibly predict the future? What (good leason in life) I acquired from this last terrifying, horrendous 14 week depression was this : I have to live in the present...the past is gone...nothing one can do about it...the future (no control over) can't predict (note...planning for the future is a different animal than wishfull thinking or experiencing apprehension over it.) Then one day, I had this gargantuan brain fart...I have to live in the present! Enjoy the good things happening in my life...count my blessings & deal the best that I can about the bad-assed stuff. I scrutinized this whole thought process,I living the life with BPD. This is my reasoning why I got quagmired in this BP way of thinking (BP thinking...the best handle I could come up with) BPD is a emotional illness, altering my behavior (This is how human behavior is formed) What we think creates our emotions...our emotions create our mood & our mood creates our behavior! So I ,with BPD, have a wider range of emotion...expanded range of behavior...which because of this altered, my way of thinking. No cure for BPD...always under the hammer. No sound test that I have BPD...so walking on egg shells, on the old BP merry-go-round...do I have it or is it all a bunch of hogwash. Because of my BP way of thinking did I set myself up...I believe I did. In closing this could be bullshit...definition nonsense. Shit man...got to get back to the present...I am only human. Me Tarsan...you Jane...See you deep in the jungle...Tarsen...formally know as Joe Buck...What about Bob?