Psychologists and Psychiatrists Jokes

[Joe Buck]

A guy goes in to see a psychologist. He says, "It seems I can't make any friends. Can you help me, you fat slob?"


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Neurotics build castles in the sky.
Psychotics live in them.
Psychiatrists collect the rent.
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A psychotic thinks that two and two are five.
A neurotic knows two and two are four -- but he hates it.
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A psychologist is at a party talking with a small group of people, when a man comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder. The psychologist turns around and the man hauls off and decks him. The psychologist gets up, brushes himself off, turns to the group and declares: "That's his problem."
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Two psychologists meet at their twentieth college reunion. One of them looks like he just graduated, while the other psychologist looks old, worried and withered.
The older looking one asks the other, "What's your secret? Listening to other people's problems every day, all day long, for years on end, has made an old man of me."
The younger looking one replies, "Who listens?"
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