Just babbling.....

[datgentry]

Do you ever get sick of being lonely but at the same time afraid to be around people?  I feel this way and it sounds funny to say that I am lonely but afraid of people.  Well, I guess it doesn't really sound funny.  A person can be lonely and afraid.  I avoid people as much as I can because I have the fear of rejection and I don't want to be hurt.  I am pretty sure that there are lots of people that have similar problems.  I know that I can be in a room of people and still feel alone.  I fantasize that I am outgoing and a real go getter but thats about as far as it goes.  Sometimes, I can ramble on and on and make no sense whatsoever and I am afraid that may be where this is leading...lol...sorry but thanks for listening


Donna

[clayton]

I never get lonely--something about being an only child who spent a lot of his time without any friends around--got used to it--and being a yogi in touch with the Supersoul--always have company.
Isnt fear of rejection a guy thing? I was very shy about women in my 20's, and they had to take the initiatrive if they wanted me--which most wouldnt do--American women, though they founded the feminist movement, are not very aggressive.

Just babbling--

clayton

[datgentry]

I think that fear of rejection is a people thing in general....I don't think it has a male/female boundary.  I know for me I fear rejection from the world.

[Paz]

I have felt the same way as you do, but I try to stay positive, and remember "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself!"
 The world is a scary place, but there is also great beauty in it to be discovered.

[francie]

Aww Donna.. you don't have to be sorry for your feelings.. they are very real, for sure.

I was wondering if you have some sort of abandonment issue which may have you feeling as if you will be rejected by everyone you encounter?  Sometimes, our pasts do come up to haunt us.   For me, many of my "issues" are the direct result of how i was treated growing up.  Sometimes it's not as simple as being bipolar.  This may even be anxiety-related for you?  And, of course, anxiety can be a symptom.

Whatever the problem, i sure hope you have a good support system, or therapist...some way to discover what the root of it all might be? 

I'm rooting for you and hope you will discover some way to cope.

And yes, i can relate to your feelings in some ways, because i have had similar feelings and experiences.  still do sometimes.

take care.... carolynn

[datgentry]

thanks for caring. It has a lot to do with my childhood and relationships I have encountered in my adulthood life as well.

[datgentry]

I was just thinking how this site has become so important in my life. I look forward to being able to come  on here and share and relate with others.  In a way, it is what keeps me awake.  I told my therapist about the site and he ask me what I got out of it.  I told him basically what I just said.  I am so very  grateful for others who care.

[Lurker]

This board has become important to me too, I told my therapist about it too. He didn't have anything to say, but he has very little to say period. Keep talking
                                                  Lurker

[datgentry]

it's funny...I can talk to people on here but  have trouble talking face to face.  One reason I guess is that people on here can relate to one another. It is a good place.

[datgentry]

I just want to talk and talk right now.  I don't really have anything to say but I guess it doesn't really matter. I am at least staying awake.  I get so bored with myself and my therapist said that I need to find things to do with myself.  He suggested Nami mtgs. and Alanon.  I am a very co-dependent person or at least that is what my therapist told me...no really, I probably am very co-dependent.  I hate this fact about myself.  I am always afraid of what others will think of me or I feel that I need the approval of my family before  making decisions. It drives me crazy sometimes. I tell myself "think on your own".

[datgentry]

I didn't  get to my mtg. last night.  It wasn't something that I was really looking forward too and I guess I was looking for any excuse not to go. (found one...lol)  I go to group therapy tomorrow.  My therapist is the moderator for that group.  That helps me a lot. I sometimes get to see him more often.  I dread telling him that I got remarried because we talk about me being so impulsive.  Me?  yeah,I am very impulsive.  Sometimes, that can be a fun thing but more often than not it gets me in trouble.  I may have all ready ask this but do others of you have a big problem with being impulsive? 

[Phyllis]

I have problems with impuslivity when I am manic. I don't think, I just do. But I haven't been manic in a good while. I guess I should be thankful.

[datgentry]

I have a lot of plans for today.  It isn't going to be easy to follow through with them but if I accomplish even one of them it is better than staying in bed all day.  I am very impulsive when it comes to making decisions and I wish I could use the impulsivity to my advantage when it comes to making myself get out and do things.  I make plans and then I clam up and get frightened about the idea of going out in public.  I have to fight this feeling and most of the time it works out okay.  It is weird but sometimes when I go out I do just fine and other times I feel like I am falling apart or that something horrible is going to happen.  I know that it is a process and that I need to take one step at a time.

[Skylona]

I am not so much lonely though alone in what I am. So sometimes I feel like the only one who has what I have. What I have to deal with. It's not so much about being alone as in somehow I am only one in the way I feel, think and am. Learning that others think like me and don't reject what I think as "crazy" or whatever negative thing appropriate to the thought that I feel alone in. I like to express myself but don't have the courage to do it. I guess. I also don't want to go on record for having said what I feel cause what if i'm wrong and then everyone will be mad at me and i'm the only one again who feels this way again. So I tend to like to keep to myself since I don't want to be the only one thinking what i'm thinking. Also people can be oh you have to act like this or fit into this mold to belong here I find that way to constricting. People tend to dislike that I always want to do what I am driven to do or crave to do , or feel like doing if I have to do what they want all the time then I feel like I can't be me. I guess that is a way of being alone even with your are with people is not being able to be you, because if you are you people will hate you.

I think that where my impulsiveness comes from is my almost like a thirst, needing to do what I feel. Do anyone of you have that feeling like your just have to do what you feel like doing?

[datgentry]

I often feel like I have to do what I feel like doing and without thinking it through I go ahead and do it.  Lots of times, it gets me into trouble or a situation that I can't easily get out of.