just this

[nordicnicki]

i am feeling very lost at the moment and dont seem to fit in anywhere....i have so many grievances with so many people.....nothing seems right to me.i want to be free to say what i feel without any come back its all just stacking up in my head.........i feel pent up anger and tears my brain cant decide which emotion i should have

[Phyllis]

**hugs**

[Dreamline]

Sorry to hear you are feeling that way...have you tried writing notes to everyone you have something to say to.  You don't have to send them just it helps sort the feelings out in your head.  It helps you be more objective about situations.

[Paz]

 Oh Nicki...I am sorry you are feeling this way. If it is any consolation, I too have felt that way in the past. What Dreamline said is a good idea, writing what you would like to say, but not sending the letters. I wrote some scathing poetry about the people who were pissing me off and I saved it on my computer...I figure that if I get mad at those people again I could post it somewhere...if they see it, they probably won't even know that it is about them, as most people don't understand poetry, but the few that might may get it, and wonder if it is about them...and maybe then they would go mad wondering " is she referring to me?" They'll never know...

[Skylona]

I'm so annoyed with people lately too. Every strange person I run into irritates me. Not with any specific thing maybe i'm just mad at the world and looking for a fight. Sometimes it's the little things that start the biggest fights.

I want to get away from this place, from the hate and anger, it's starting to get too me. I don't know whether to cry or yell all the anger out.

Irritated and it's getting worse!!!!!!


My family doesn't bother me it just seems lately that strangers people I don't even know, are irritating and buting into my life. It's like back off!!!!!!! Anyone ever had problems just getting along with strangers? Maybe it's the stages of grief I don't know?

[k]

nicki i've been struggling with kind of the same thing.  i just don't feel i can navigate the world. it just seems too hard.  there seems to be so many things which i would like to say in the scheme of things are small things but one on top of the other is just adding up.    i'm sort of a nature freak and my neighbor decided he'd do me a favor and spray herbicides all over my property.  now as the hill is blooming out in wonderful colors all i can see is this huge DEAD spot, brown ugly, dead.  how dare him.  i went over to him later and asked him not to spray my yard anymore. he told me it was perfectly safe. - you should of heard his logic proving it to me.  and even then he would not listen to me.     next, stupid fall out with my long term therapist.  he just totally went off on me.  talk about rejection.  then i decide to use every ounce of energy i have to try to get to a dbsa support group. i had to drive 45 min.   - NO ONE SHOWED UP BUT ME.   then i ran into a therapist in the hallway who said she ran a group and that she would ask her group if i could join.  silence!   there is so much more and all i keep thinking is that i can't take it. i can't handle that kind of stress.  i want to give up.  why am i so weak. then i hate myself and well....

[Skylona]

You didn't get a contact number to reach her by?

That would be a good way to contact her; I know this sounds trite and pithy but when one door closes a window opens up. I know nami has support groups regionally. I've been to a few but prefer online it gives me more time to think and react truthfully not so much emotionally.

I used to feel like I was drowning all the time. I still get it on occasion when deep depression strikes. I have too many heavy things pulling me down and I'm gasping for air and trying to find something to hold onto but there is nothing. I use to have my babydoll but he's gone. I feel you on the domino effect of way too many things piling up on top of each other it gets too be too much too handle and my bp stresses me  out way bad.

I wanna run away but there is no where to run. There is only endless days and endless nights with neverending stupid thoughts and feelings affecting me and they are all me. All mine, no one, else's mine. It's maddening. The guilt and the pain eats and eats and never goes away. And now it's April can't wait til it's May.........seriously!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[christian.156]

Ever hear of glossolalia? It's inventing a language like Pentecostals do in church. I've started writing in one.

[goosemuffin]

LOL @ Christian, just find the statement amusing. I was JUST thinking about the whole 'speaking in tongues' thing and wondering if people really understand it, as they will 'decode' lol. I was raised pentecostle and never could muster up speaking in tongues and always wondered.......HMMMMMMM

[Dreamline]

I spoke in toungues once when I was on shrooms.

[goosemuffin]

hahahaha Dreamline, you are killin' me this morning!

[Dreamline]

   I really did, freaked this guy out...I mostly was writing them down on a piece of paper but said some of them...my friend called them "shroom words".  LOL

[christian.156]

I was eating shrooms at Paleque and I was tripping out on the Mayan and Aztec gods--they all wanted to be gods with x's in their names--that was the highest class of god. it was funny like anything.