Unipolar Depression and Pyscopathy

[scubasteve657]

This has been bugging me the last few days.  My grandmother died earlier this week (and she was most likely undiagnosed bipolar; loved by the community but seen as bitter by her family).  So the family's been together, and now that i know what to look for, i can see indications of mania amongst a lot of the family, particularly my parents and younger sister.

But my older sister is something else.  She lies whenever it suits her, she's jealous and selfish.  And she'll imitate our behavior; like, we'll all have to  run to the bathroom before leaving the house (cause we've all been loading up on fluids) and she'll do it too, or she'll be complaining she's so tired, seemingly empathizing with the rest of us.  We all get annoyed with her but nobody else is aware of manic depression so nobody sees what's happening.  I'm concerned that she is probably a psychopath but i don't know how to be sure.  Does anyone else know this type of person?  I have two aunts the same way who destroyed my grandmother's family, and i won't let her destroy mine but i know she's more dangerous than i will ever be.  I've never seen signs of remorse from her.

My brother on the other hand actively tries to destroy my life, whether he knows what he's doing or not.  He's insulted my friends, claimed i'm a drain on our parents, and blatantly told me i don't care about anything.  Not being aware of BP at the time i couldn't help but believe him (why else was i so damn lazy?) and fell into a long depression that lasted most of the winter.  This scares me a lot, because he could tell there was something wrong with me, i TOLD him i was fucked in the head, and instead of trying to help he displayed intense jealousy for my apparently easy lifestyle (i work when i want, as much as i want, and have no worries about paying rent)

I think he's just depressed and suicidal, and if he can't destroy himself he will destroy me cause then mommie will have to love him.  Of course i'm well aware of the bipolar tendency to exaggerate and assume we know what other people think like, but every time i push him he reveals some little bit of his jealousy.  He feels our parents are favoring me but really it's just that i treat them better than he does, even if i have exploded on them a couple of times.  I rely on them only when i need to but he's just too stupid (willfully ignorant) to help himself.  I know he can't understand that i simply lose control but i can't see that excusing his jealousy.  I try to tell him to just back off but he won't, and then when i tell him to stay out of my life he tries to make ammends.  Frankly he scares me cause i know i will never waste the effort controlling myself on him.

How does one deal with a psychopath in the family?  Should i feel sympathy for people who are just depressed?  My instincts tell me if someone is depressed they're a danger to the people around them and they should be stopped.  I can't feel sympathy for these people, cause they'll just bring me down.  I wanna take him out back and beat him within an inch of his life; if you wanna die, here's your chance fucker.  Anyway i think i could use some perspective on this. 

Is there any studies or personal stories connecting other mental conditions to bipolar, within a family?  It seems that me & my sister developed bipolar because we stayed honest and didn't take my parents attacks personally, but it almost seems like the other two took it so personally that they're festering with negativity, so is this something that can be known to happen with BP?  Keep in mind that none of my family has been diagnosed, so the whole situation is shrouded in confusion.

[Phyllis]

people who are depressed can't help it. just like bp people can't help it. you can show sympathy to a certain extent, but don't overly feel sorry for them. you can't just "buck up" when you have depression. It can get pretty bad and difficult to deal with. I don't think that those who have depression are looking to destroy people though. Selfish? Yes. Just as selfish as BP people can be.

as for psychopaths... yeah I firmly believe that one of my ex's is a psychopath. I try to have nothing to do with him except when absolutely necessary since he is my oldest daughter's father. I don't know what else to say on that front.

[Paz]

 A true psychopath shows no remorse whatsoever...if this is true about your sister, then you need to read up on it and tell someone, the sooner the better. Since a psychopath feels no remorse, they can become very dangerous to others.

[scubasteve657]

I understand that depressed people can't just "snap out of it" but just like anybody, they can choose to deal with the problem or they can be willfully ignorant.  Plus since it was my sister who told me he was depressed and he had legitimate reasons i can't be certain but he has a history of exploding in a way that is decidedly selfish, and only superficially what a bp person would do.  He can't understand why our parents seem to give me special treatment and excuse my actions, because he can't see how much we rely on each other.  But the basis of his thoughts seems entirely to be "Mommy loves him more than me" so i'm incredibly frightened to be nice to him.  Every time i am he ends up telling me what a piece of shit me and my landlord are, and of course without my landlord i'd be destitute.

But maybe he's just an idiot, and maybe (MAYBE) helping him understand bp will smooth things over.  On the other hand he might think i'm using it as an excuse for my behavior (Yesterday i ran out all the gas in his car, didn't tell him and then cursed at him in front of his daughter....needless to see it was a pretty manic day) But i'm seriously concerned about my sister, and it's too big an accusation to make unfounded.  But i think i'm right, i can't recall her every being genuinely emotional and she always tries to justify her activities and twist your thoughts to suit her.  She is always the victim, even when it's obvious she's being illogical and nobody can tell her.

A word of advice though: if you're not sure you can trust somebody avoid them.  It's not worth the risk of polluting your thoughts.  Even if it is your immediate family.

[scubasteve657]

Thank you for the perspective.  I feel hatred towards depressed people because they hate themselves.  As long as they don't spread that to me i can sometimes find a good balance.  But i don't feel anything towards my sister....nothing.  i can't even think of the number of pleasant, enjoyable moments i've had with the rest of the family but her....nothing.  she's only ever driven me away from them, but there's nothing i can trace to her.  just ideas. thoughts.  like, she'll talk about how much she hates my mother...i'll attempt to empathize by CRITIZING my father...but somehow my mind will slip into thinking i actually can not trust my parents.  and she'll influence them so that i can't, i'm sure.  we're all fucking looney anyway so it's pretty easy to pull our strings.

but i always leave feeling comfortable with her, and continue struggling with my problems....she knows we're bipolar, told me, but no effort to help of educate....and she calls herself a teacher.  of course she's never directly told me i was.  she probably understands it as well as i do, but unlike her, i've lived it.  but she is nothing. an empty shell.  her own mother wouldn't object if i called her poisonous and vile.  she knows.  so the only way to deal with her is to treat her as nothing - show her that i can be as emotionless as she, but better, cause for once i'm the one imitating her.

[scubasteve657]

i think this is the fear i've always lived with, especially concerning having children.  more and more i'm seeing that in my mania i'm capable of anything.  i have limits now but they're so much less than a year ago, who knows what they'll be in another.  fortunately i've gained solid people i can trust along the way and i'm learning to avoid anyone i can't.  and i have my spirituality.

i am afraid that my actions can bread psychopathy.  my actions are based on emotional responses but when performed in a rational mindset they are dangerous.  why should i be allowed to get away with the things i do???  it makes self control so much more important.  but i can do it.  my body may be fucked but my spirit is still free and the body can be cleansed.  remember that regardless if you shouldn't be allowed you can't punish yourself.  just be honest and help people understand you're not trying to hurt them.

it's so strange....like when i was a kid i tried to imitate everyone else but now it seems like everyone is just an imitation of me...i can't quite explain what i mean by that.

[Phyllis]

I feel hatred towards depressed people because they hate themselves.  As long as they don't spread that to me i can sometimes find a good balance.

Well, if you hate depressed people just because they hate themselves, you might as well hate others with a mental illness (or even without) because they hate themselves. And many of these people don't hate themselves necessarily, they hate what the illness has done to them. So, maybe it is best if everyone (with an illness)  changes their mindset and just realize they have an illness and try their best to combat it. I hope you never have to face a deep dark depression. It is not a nice place to be.