Do we ever get to feel right again?

[Ashes]

I am 30 years old and I suffer from rapid cycling BP 1 and PTSD.  The worst of my mental problems have taken place over the last five years.  I always assumed that once a diagnosis came my problems could be treated simply with medication.  That has proved to be untrue.  I have been on so many different meds that my doc seems to be running out of options.  He is now retrying things that other doctors tried.  Currently I am on Haldol and depakote as I suffer from delusions, paranoia and hallucinations while in an episode.  It seems to me that my last year has been spent mostly in depression.  I dont even seem to be feeling hypo manic as often.  I want to know if we ever feel like our old self's again?  It seems I am no longer the happy go lucky energized person that I used to be and I miss it.  Do we continue to deteriorate even when we are taking meds?

[Phyllis]

some people are med resistant and have to deal with this evil called BP with nothing but their mindfulness. Some people take meds and that helps deal with certain issues or maybe even all. But, I have never found anyone that goes back to their "old self". We have to learn to adapt to our new life with BP. It sucks. So many things can be lost in the transition, but we have to be willing to accept our situation and try to make the best of it.

[dionomo]

I have only been on meds for about a year or 2 I can't even remember when i was on what or what I was on when
but I am the same way my pdoc is running out of options for me and now its like what I am on is helping
but its one of the meds that I stopped taking a long time ago bc I thought it made me gain weight
and now I feel like it may be okay for me with this other combination of pills and just hope I feel good enough to be able to work without thinking the world is gonna end and people are not who I think they are and to be able to trust someone for who they are and not worry that everyone is after me or trying to frame me
its so wild for me sometimes I feel like I am just going to go into a panic

[Ashes]

I guess I know I will never be the same it just seems I feel awful everyday and keep thinking Im just so tired if I could sleep I will feel better tomorrow.  Only that never happens.  Tomorrow comes and goes and I feel the same sad, sleepy and worthless. 
Thanks for your responses guys.

[dragonfly]

i asked this question and by old self do you mean the way you felt before you were told you had these problems?(BP)because i have found that since i actually admitted to this and told the doctor my real symptoms and that my father and brother are just as nuts,thats when it all came crashing down and everything i had been able to keep hidden from myself was out there and everyone knew ... i couldn't cope with it anymore and oddly enough i am one of those unfortunate ones who just gets worse or turns zombie when i am on meds constantly.they just create other problems so i have devised a plan to only take meds when i have to and i know that once apon a time i was in control and i self medicated with alcohol sometimes and with other stupid things i have since found substitutes for ,if the depression gets bad i do take a zoloft or 2 for a couple of days until my head zings back usually i go manic but then i valium and alcohol that away,gradually....and i do avoid people when i know i can't handle it.but i have hope that one day i will be able to remember what it felt like to not have that bp tattooed on your skull.i am still me i have always been me.just the label changed,thats all...just a stupid label.......