Sometimes I feel fine then I'm not

[Dreamline]

I dont' get this how come I can feel perfectly fine there is nothing then I'll be looking at a wall and a panther face is trying to gets out not nessesarily at me but trying to scream or something.  Then parts of the day the faces are gone but then other parts of the day they come back out...wtf...I kee[ thinking that I am fine when they are gone and I know that's stupid but I keep thinking it...next thing you know I think I am going completely apeshit, that scares me.  This is the most I have seen stuff  I think ever....or at least in a long time.

[Paz]

 Hallucinations can really suck sometimes...as long as you know that they are not real and you can keep it together. Maybe you need to go talk to someone about them, and if you are starting to get worse, maybe you need to try an antipsychotic for a short time...they can help a little.

[Dreamline]

Yeah gradually, they are getting worse...and to make things weirder (and this is the reason I keep thinking I'll be fine)...I slept nearly 8 hours last night and the night before about the same.  I think when I started on the higher dose of lithium it helped me sleep more than with anything else.  My sleep is erratic though, sometimes 4 hours sometimes 6...etc   I don't feel like my thoughts are racing at all but other people tell me they can't understand me.

[Paz]

 When other people can't understand you and your thoughts are racing, no matter how "fine" you think you feel, believe me, you are not fine. It's very frustrating, because even though your thoughts are racing they make perfect sense to you, but others can't keep up. I know, it happens to me alot. And I can't understand why people can't follow my train of thought and keep up when I bounce from subject to subject...I get very annoyed, and then DJ will say something like "slow down, and what are we talking about right now?" And then I realize that I am not fine, because he can't understand what I'm trying to say. ARGH!!!
 Getting some good sleep can help you to feel better, it's key, in fact. But just because you get a couple of good night's rest doesn't mean that your racing thoughts are going to make sense to others...you need consistent sleep, which can be elusive to a BP a lot of the time. It sucks.
 My sleep patterns are erratic sometimes, and that can really set me off...but I have found that having a healthy and active lifestyle helps for me to sleep better...most of the time. However, when the moods start to swing, sleep is the first thing that gets screwed up.
 Maybe talk to your Doc about your erratic sleep, and about the racing thoughts and that others can't understand you. Maybe they can give some advice on how to cope. Have you tried any Homeopathic sleep remedies? I take one, and it works well. I have only taken it a couple of times so far...I hope that it keeps on working, as sleep issues for maniacs are serious.

[Dreamline]

I didn't sleep at all last night.  I went camping w/ a friend and my dog thinking it would help me to get away you know.  Well I guess I am really not ok because my friend started getting on my nerves because he forgot some stuff and then after he returned, then, he was tired.  When people are tired that shit really fucking annoys me...but I try to not take it out on them.  I went for a walk (this was after nightfall) and it was really dark out there and I was hallucinating and couldn't tell what was real and got freaked out and went back tot he campsite.  I told him and he gave me a flashlight and said he didn't feel good and went to bed.  That really irritated me and made me depressed becaus he left me.  That shit was horrible, I didn't know what to do and then there were creepy animals in the woods, one looked like a antelope with a cat face so I through firewood at it.  I didn't budge and I ran out of sticks and ran back and hurled a branch at it and the other creepy black things.  The ground was a sea of faces and the fire was full of wicked things and the trees were fucking ents.  I know these things aren't real but sometimes they either btoehr me or are entertaining at least.  I tried to eat some hamburger today but the peices look like rotting nasty faces, so i couldn't eat all of it. 

As for homeopathic sleep remedies...I haven't tried them.  I have tried herbal teas and they help a little...there is an herb that helped me in the past my neighbor from Tunisia gets it from there and I don't know what it is and she doesn't know in english what its called...but that shit is like a drug.  She said a friend of hers called it Lemon Green...but its not lemon grass and doesn't look like lemon balm so I dunno WTF it is.  Maybe I should drink some hemp milk...or take some hempseed oil.  Just for the recourd I do believe in homeopathic rememdies just never tried it for sleep...I take arnica sometimes.

[Paz]

 Wow...it sounds like you really need some sleep and a visit to talk to the Doc. I'm so sorry that you see scary shit and can't seem to be around people even though you may feel lonely. I know what that is like, and in a way I am comforted that someone else has had the same kind of experiences...I am sorry that you have had to live with this. I am sorry that we all have to deal with this thing that we all have. Life is so hard sometimes. 
 This is the homeopathic stuff that I use [for headaches, sleep and pain] www.homeocan.ca

[Dreamline]

When reading posts I keep getting distracted by vague cartoon dogs behind the words.  Thanks for the link, I have seen something and it may be the same thing at the health food store nearby.  I may try that, I need to go get some inositol.   Thanks Paz...at least we aren't alone...I wish I had somebody nearby. 

[lulu000]

shit when u can;t sleep i'm in the same boat as u, 48hrs now, starting to see things like bugs in my skin it's horrible, and my doc is no fucking good he just looks at me like he knows, as if.. fuck um. sorry hope u get a good night sleep soon x

[chasemanzmum]

Thats the worst feeling to get bugs in the skin. I gotten the feeling myself a time or two. Eventually it passed for me. Can't say for ertain how long it was. Cause it varies with even me.

[Dreamline]

I haven't had bugs in my skin but I felt like there were beatles under my shirt and it freaked me out.  I've felt like I had water running/dripping down any part of my body before...sucks when its your leg.  Almost always though if I get euphoric manic I feel like I have electricity surging through me and every since nerve ending is hyper aware and buzzed.  But if I'm depressed manic I either see agonizing faces among other stuff or if I feel something it will be something awful like I might have crapped myself or I feel achy.

[Ashes]

I've been convinced I smelled gas and seen bugs or baby spiders all over my legs.  I was at the doc once completely convinced that I was dead and that was the reason he didnt check my blood pressure.

[Dreamline]

I've never thought I was dead but dying, yes.  Last summer I was depressed as hell and I looked in the mirror thinking how I looked like I was dying.  I figured I had cancer and was bleeding internally.  I was horrified yet didn't care to save myself either.  I felt like I was heavily sedated and my heart was about to give out.  I looked so pale, weak, tired and old...it was horrible...I believed I was on death's door, in just any minute I would be gone.  I thought I looked emaciated too and my hair was coming out.   I didn't die, my hair never fell out, I wasn't emaciated, I didn't have cancer or bleed to death...funny how that works.