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Ashes
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« on: July 10, 2010, 10:17:31 AM » |
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I used to think I was a strong person. I did it all on my own and couldn't understand why others needed so much. Now I don't feel like I can handle anything. These last years of my illness have taken a toll and I feel so weak. I hate not knowing how the day or night might be. Not knowing if I can spend the night at a family members house without freaking out. I miss being strong and being the one who people came to with their problems. Now I have so many triggers and I'm so unstable all I can do is get by and sometimes I don't even think I'll be able to do that.
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How can I be useful, of what service can I be? There is something inside me, what can it be?
Vincent Van Gogh
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lulu000
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« Reply #1 on: July 10, 2010, 11:37:22 AM » |
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Hi,Ashes, I'm starting to feel the same way weak when i thought i was a strong perosn too, thought i could anything now i feel i cant do shit. i've been up for 4nights but i feel so aggressive all the time, my boyfriend rang my drs and got to go and see him next week don't know if i can hang on coz i'm starting to feel so low again i hate it up and down back and forth all the time, i feel a burden to my b\f coz i'm such a bitch to him he should save his self and get the hell away from me, i hope things start to lift soon ashes.. x
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Ashes
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« Reply #2 on: July 10, 2010, 01:04:37 PM » |
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Hope you start feeling better soon also and good luck with your appt.
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How can I be useful, of what service can I be? There is something inside me, what can it be?
Vincent Van Gogh
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Phyllis
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« Reply #3 on: July 10, 2010, 02:08:38 PM » |
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I feel pretty weak sometimes. Not just physically but mentally as well. I'm trying to gain my strength back so to speak. I'm starting to pay more attention to my needs, doing little thinks like putting makeup on everyday. Trying to get outside for at least 15 minutes a day. Baby steps.
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Ashes
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« Reply #4 on: July 10, 2010, 05:18:08 PM » |
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Hi Phyllis,
My doc suggested I try getting out at least 15 mins a day also. I try but it doesn't always happen. I never wear make up anymore. I guess in some ways I gave up.
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How can I be useful, of what service can I be? There is something inside me, what can it be?
Vincent Van Gogh
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Phyllis
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« Reply #5 on: July 10, 2010, 05:46:32 PM » |
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it's difficult to get those 15 min. in a day. I'm not gonna lie. I don't always make it.
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bee_bop
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« Reply #6 on: July 10, 2010, 10:21:02 PM » |
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Feeling weak is a very scary feeling - that feeling of powerlessness. Lately I have felt weak a lot too.
Don't tell yourself you are not a strong person, Ashes. You have been that source of strength to others and are battling a very difficult illness - so you are strong. Don't put pressure on yourself or label yourself as strong or weak in your mind....
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Dreamline
Freak of art.
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« Reply #7 on: July 11, 2010, 10:02:53 AM » |
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Getting out is hard...its like you just don't have it in you to get ready...sometimes I would have my clothes on but the thought of "oh, I've still got to go brush my teeth and then put on my shoes"...just crushed me. I felt like it took way more effort that I could put out. Try and go out with a supportive friend...even if its just going to a quiet park. I know how I am, I don't want to be around many people when I get depressed. One thing in my favor is not matter how depressed I get, I am forced to go out and walk my dog...I dunno what I'd do without him.
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The judges head spins confused.
For order is just a center pivot.
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Ashes
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« Reply #8 on: July 11, 2010, 02:14:02 PM » |
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Dreamline
That is how I am feeling I cant handle one more thing getting dressed takes so much out of me I dont feel like I can do more.
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How can I be useful, of what service can I be? There is something inside me, what can it be?
Vincent Van Gogh
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Paz
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« Reply #9 on: July 12, 2010, 09:04:02 PM » |
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Depression just crushes your soul and sucks the life out of us...if normal people knew what it was like they'd flip out. We go through it and mania over and over again over the course of our lives, and we somehow keep on living. Amazing, isn't it?
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If you tremble indignation at every injustice then you are a comrade of mine. - Che Guevara
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Dreamline
Freak of art.
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« Reply #10 on: July 12, 2010, 09:52:30 PM » |
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I know, I don't know how I do it. But I guess we just do becasue we kinda have to. Normal people just have no clue, they are so lucky.
Hey Ashes, do you ever take one of your ferrets outside on a leash and harness? It might be fun to explore with them, the backyard is HUGE to them.
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The judges head spins confused.
For order is just a center pivot.
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chasemanzmum
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« Reply #11 on: July 14, 2010, 10:02:17 AM » |
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Another fellow weak person. So weak I feel like crying.
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If you can't run with the big dogs; stay on the porch!
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bee_bop
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« Reply #12 on: July 16, 2010, 01:02:41 AM » |
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Despite my bold words which I posted earlier about not labelling yourself as strong or weak, I am feeling like absolute crap today.
Missed work ans have stayed in bed in my pyjamas all day. Can't be bothered with anything and hate myself and my job.
I am so unhappy.
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Phyllis
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« Reply #13 on: July 16, 2010, 05:52:46 AM » |
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just remember this is just a phase and it will pass. hold on and keep chuggin along. things will get better, you just have to wait out this storm.
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bee_bop
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« Reply #14 on: July 16, 2010, 08:15:15 AM » |
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Thanks for understanding Phyllis. I hear your words and they are the same ones I try to tell myself - sometimes with success...I am already feeling a bit better now that I have eaten, relaxed and come here. Trouble is it's late at night and I am still awake. I'll just enjoy this computer time for now.
I am finding this site to be a real life-saver. Thanks to Phyllis, Ashes, Paz, Dreamline and everyone on here - you are great.
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