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Ashes
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« on: July 15, 2010, 02:50:26 PM » |
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I don't want to bring anyone down by wining but I am feeling awful. This whole month I have been in a funk with no relief. I have another doctors appt around the 23rd but I know even it wont do me any good. Im taking all these meds and I just keep getting worse. I'm not even angry with the doctors anymore I have just given up. I don't care, it seems like it will never pass and I have nothing to look forward to. What type of life is this? I feel beaten down and its to hard to get up.
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How can I be useful, of what service can I be? There is something inside me, what can it be?
Vincent Van Gogh
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dionomo
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« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2010, 04:46:17 PM » |
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sometimes I feel the same way, sorry to hear you feel bad hope you feel better soon
it seems like the pills only help temporarily the ones I have been taking were working ok but now its like I don't think they ever were working, all we want is for it to go away ......I am thinking about quitting at this career I have been trying to get into and I have only actually worked a little over a week but I studied for about a month or so ...I feel like I am being set up or people are out to get me ...it never seems like it goes away I have just been ignoring it
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bee_bop
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« Reply #2 on: July 16, 2010, 12:48:02 AM » |
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Ashes, I feel bad too at the moment. It will pass...hold on.
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bee_bop
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« Reply #3 on: July 16, 2010, 12:51:03 AM » |
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Ashes, it will be a good thing to go to the appointment on the 23rd and explain that the medication is working for you. Maybe they can tweak it for you. Btw - Sorry if I sound like I am lecturing and spouting cliches, but I want to help.
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Ashes
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« Reply #4 on: July 16, 2010, 04:20:18 AM » |
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Thanks for the support. I will discuss this with my doc but as of right now I feel like all is lost. I have no reason or ambition anymore.
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How can I be useful, of what service can I be? There is something inside me, what can it be?
Vincent Van Gogh
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bee_bop
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« Reply #5 on: July 16, 2010, 08:34:39 AM » |
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Any time, Ashes. Have you gotten any relief from your art? Maybe trying to do something creative would be therapeutic.
Even the knowledge of my own fallibility cannot keep me from making mistakes. Only when I fall do I get up again.
Vincent Van Gogh
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bee_bop
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« Reply #6 on: July 16, 2010, 08:37:30 AM » |
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I thought you might like that Vincent quote. He knew what it was like to feel very bad, weak and beating yourself up for thinking you have failed but he knew that he would feel renewed at some point...
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Paz
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« Reply #7 on: July 16, 2010, 11:49:41 AM » |
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Sorry that you feel badly...really it will pass, it always does. It just seems like an eternity until the feelings eventually leave you. Unfortunately for us, having these kind of funks is part of being BP. It really sucks and it makes all of us wonder how we are going to live with this illness for the rest of our lives? I don't know how, but we all have to try.  |
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If you tremble indignation at every injustice then you are a comrade of mine. - Che Guevara
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Ashes
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« Reply #8 on: July 16, 2010, 01:45:11 PM » |
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I have another doc appt on the 23rd. I'm going to ask about medication changes. I'm on Depakote and haldol as of right now but these depressive episodes are becoming unbearable.
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How can I be useful, of what service can I be? There is something inside me, what can it be?
Vincent Van Gogh
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bee_bop
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« Reply #9 on: July 17, 2010, 09:08:57 PM » |
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I know how unbearable it is to struggle with depression - you feel like things will never get better especially when it is incredibly difficult to do the basics, like getting dressed, as you have pointed out before.
Try to be kind to yourself, Ashes and treat yourself like you would treat a friend struggling through the same. I really feel for you at this time.
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Dreamline
Freak of art.
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« Reply #10 on: July 17, 2010, 10:07:38 PM » |
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I hope they can help you with that soon. You might get lucky like me and be sensitive to a drug and it work very quickly.
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The judges head spins confused.
For order is just a center pivot.
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chasemanzmum
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« Reply #11 on: July 19, 2010, 01:37:24 PM » |
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I feel just like you, battered and bruised.
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If you can't run with the big dogs; stay on the porch!
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Ashes
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« Reply #12 on: July 26, 2010, 10:53:21 AM » |
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Well my appointment on the 23rd went well. I was finally put on an anti depressant. Im watching for signs of mania but Id like to report Im actually felling better. I think the meds may be helping.
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How can I be useful, of what service can I be? There is something inside me, what can it be?
Vincent Van Gogh
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