delusions ,or truth ??

[dragonfly]

i was just reading a post that hit a nerve,we have SYMPTOMS !!! that have us thinking we are grandiose..or are we the way we are for a reason or is this question too a symptom ?? i believe very strongly,,, not just when i am manic or euphoric ,that we are the way we are for a reason,for proof on this,just take a look at our imaginative and inspiring artists and musicians and authors etc in history..just because our medical pro's have told us this is all in our minds,our desires and dreams shouldn't be dismissed.i really want to write childrens picture books,,i believe that i will keep my family alive when the whole world starts to crumble,,i have the knowledge ,intelligence and capability to do all the things i get the drive to do and to have someone tell you that you can't because your fucked in the head is so wrong....
we may have a little difficulty living like the rest of the sheep in this world but we can dream the most amazing things,ideas that the average person would never aspire to do...and the thing is that quite frequently we succeed,so when you get the manic urge to do something,go with it...a friend of mine told me that ...she said "where would we be without van gogh or lewis carroll ,there are so many wonderful things in this world and the most colourful and magical wonderings are created by people who we insane!!!!DREAM ON ,,,EVERYONE...

[Dreamline]

Yeah I think about that too.  I think I am the way I am for a reason.  I am not the least bit against getting helps and taking meds.  BUT from the "insane" experiences I have had, I have gained a whole other perspectiveon life even if I choose to live my life more sane these days.

[dionomo]

as i was reading your post i felt like i was in a locker room and we were down at the half
i agree and think we can do anything and sometimes even impress ourselves with what we can do

[cadno]

Do you know this hit me when I read through, one thing a lot of my old friends and even my family have said is that I was better when I was off the meds.  Now for me I don't see it this way, I have a lot more control but then reading this I starting thinking, what was the price of that control?

Don't worry I'm not going to go off my meds or anything similar, its just an interesting thought.  We as bipolars have a rare insight into a world that few can ever see without the use of some medium such as drugs, meditation or even deep trance.  Those euphoria's lead us to write, paint etc and what we produce can be either amazing or at the very least a true expression of who we are.  I'll admit that right now I still get frequent mania's but they aren't as severe, its like somebody fitted a glass ceiling that just prevents me from going over the edge to what doctors would call insanity and what I would call home.

Thank you dragonfly for your post, seriously it was something I needed to read at this point.

[dragonfly]

i know what you mean about the price we have to pay,i am off the mood stabilisers for that very reason,i lost me ability to see the things that actually in a strange and sometimes scary way held my brain together,we see things in a very different light and we are more sensitive to the wonders of the world around us and the world within...in more ancient times we would have been the medicine men,the shamans and mystics,druids and wise ones of the tribe etc...why is it now that we are made to feel insignificant and we are drugged to control us,instead of encouragement and support we are literally neutered from our own imaginations....and yet let's praise someone who sees and hears a burning bush,,(no offense to christans believe what you will!!!) and yell and scream at drugged out musicians on stage and clap in applause to actors,,why not visit the art gallery and analyse the amazing art,,,We give the world entertainment and faith,we give them something to talk about,a reason for their dreary lives...but we can't live like them,when we try it seems so wrong and difficult,so i say be who we are,because only when we are strong enough to accept ourselves can we finally contribute to the world of the sheepies....remember sheep are scared of wolves,and if we aren't the modern day werewolves of society then who is......we are the dreamers....

[Paz]

Wow...it's so comforting to know that many of us feel the same way about BP and the way that we have to try and adapt to the wide world around us.
 I am med shy  because of the way that the meds changed me....also because the meds made me so physically unwell. I am not willing to put up with my body breaking down from side effects, or my mind becoming dull and joyless. I feel that the meds take a big part of who I am and just suffocate it.
 I do take minimal meds from time to time, but I try to live my life the best way that I can...and when things start to get crazy, I just try to cope. I know that for the rest of my life I am going to have times when I have mood swings, and that is just part of being ME.

[SmilingElephant]

I read these posts the other nite and you know what...even before i read this thread, i've noticed my ability to write poetry the way i used to isn't as strong as it used to be. And maybe i am a prophetess with prophetic dreams bc they all come true in some way. And maybe i really am an alien or a mutant from somewhere else sent here on a mission...at least those are my usual delusions.

[dragonfly]

isn't it amazing how less screwed up you feel when you have the understanding and support from like minded people...it's just the doctors telling us we can't this and can't that..and that meds won't change who you are,they don't really know.i think if they felt the years of medical training disappearing from their minds they would get very flustered...the gifts we were born with are just like the drive to heal and help others,(docs secret powers)our super powers may be different and make our lives harder to blend in with average people,but our gifts are needed too.they can't just keep drugging us and hope we all go away or become average,how can a zombified and lobotomized shell of a person fit in anywhere??are they really helping.i think it is the lack of control over our lives that bothers most of us more than anything else and the paranoia of others knowing we are werewolves,we just need to find methods of getting some degree of control,mine is my husband he knows my moods and makes me aware of my behavior when that control is gone ... others like me only use meds when they feel that control slipping away,i don't think we need to be constantly medicated.
with the damage it does to our bodies and to our confidence and creativity ,we aren't really much worse off than just putting up with our bp straight up...everything in life has it's price and our amazing minds have to take a plunge into darkness sometimes,could any one handle being euphoric all the time and buzzed up in manic electricity...the depression ,agitation and anxiety is a better price than side effects of continual meds ,,,thats my opinion...

[Paz]

 Right on!   I totally agree with not being constantly medicated...the mood swings do eventually subside, and I think it's important to try and live with this with as little meds as possible...the long term side effects and health problems are not worth it. Most people and Pdocs would strongly disagree with my approach to living with my BP...they would say that I am irresponsible and that I am asking for trouble by not being doped to the eyeballs all the time. Well, it's my life, my BP, and I am dealing with it in a way that works for me. I did it their way for a few years and it was unbearable, so now I'm doing it MY way, and so far I am doing alright...I still have mood swings, but I still had them when I was doped up, so what is the difference? The swings were just as severe when I was doped up as they are now...and now I don't have any tremors or shaking or other physical distress. I am still crazy, but at least I feel good physically, and that is a powerful and great feeling! Feeling well physically is SO IMPORTANT to my mental health...for crying out loud, it's important for EVERYONE'S mental well being! How much better do you all feel about yourselves when you feel healthy? I know it makes all the difference in the world to me.

[Dreamline]

I know exactly what you mean...I'd pick being bat-shit crazy over being doped up and unhealthy.  What's the point if you feel like absolute crap from the effects on your health by meds.

[Ashes]

I know what you mean about picking bat shit crazy.  This half nuts is torture I should be grateful for the times when I feel good.  They just seem so few and far between and on the meds Im dulled. 

[MeganG]

I had a therapist once tell me that if we have to go through the really down times we deserve the upswing up euphoria, not mania, but euphoria. That made me feel less crazy but it turns out i was porgressing to a manic episode anyway. Right now if feel like I'm going to jump out o0f my skin. But it feels so much better to know i'm not alone in this. I'm the only "crazy one " any one knows and I refuse to keep it to my self , after being miss undetstood for so long, it just pisses me off and makes me want to push harder as soon as people get weird about it. Look forward to being part of the conversation. Thanx for listerning.