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Ashes
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« Reply #15 on: August 16, 2010, 04:12:35 PM » |
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Sorry your docs aren't helping and I hope your mood passes soon.
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How can I be useful, of what service can I be? There is something inside me, what can it be?
Vincent Van Gogh
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cadno
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« Reply #16 on: August 16, 2010, 06:51:41 PM » |
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Diazapam seems to be doing the trick, ok I may have taken a little over what I should but I needed it and frankly the doctor can shove his well placed comments where only customs men dare probe!
I'm still angry as you can tell, but its not bubbling over, its just staying at a level where I can control it, thankfully that feared plumet of mood hasn't happened and fingers crossed it won't. If that is the case in a few days I'll be ok and back on an even mood (yes I know that sounds like wishful thinking but its all I have).
I want to thank everyone who replied with support, means a hell of a lot in my world trust me. The thing is, the doctor can say 'well phone crisis team' but if things have got to that point any number of things could happen. I've never done it but I know I'm capable of it and that is hurt those close to me with physical harm. When I'm in the grips of a full on downward spiral mixed with psychosis (for those who don't know my psychosis work with my moods, if I go up or down it becomes worse) I am more than capable of harm. I've had to be pinned to the floor before now due to this and yet that idiot doesn't seem to understand my well placed fear. I don't just go harping on because I'm a little nervous, I know my mind, I've had to become an expert on it to just get through the average day!
Ok, expert is overstating it, there is a lot I need to learn as is evident here when I've just not coped well enough with things that I could cope with providing a take the time and listen. Oddly I'm calming down more as I type here so I'm guessing the meds are doing their job, no doubt I'll either crash out in a few hours or be wired for the next few days. One of the odd things, I never seem to have the same reaction the diazapam twice, its always different, might be that I don't use it that often even on bad days, sort of reserve it for days like today, ok weeks like this week the way I've been.
I'm having a chat with a friend of mine in medical profession about how I can transfer from my current hospital to another. The reason for this is that I discovered today that I can't even get a second opinion as this doctor is the only one in the entire hospital that deals with acute mental health. I'm not too far from Cardiff, for those who are wondering why I would want to go there I'll explain. Cardiff is currently leading the biggest study of bipolar in the UK and they have the top brass of the mental health professionals based there for this reason. If I can get there I'm not only betting I'd get a better service, but I'm going to go out on a limp here and say they might be able to help me achieve my goals or being able to cope with this even in relapse.
Rich
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Phyllis
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« Reply #17 on: August 16, 2010, 07:05:46 PM » |
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Cardiff sounds like it is just what you need. I wish you luck in getting transferred. Keep us posted!  |
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cadno
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« Reply #18 on: August 16, 2010, 07:28:52 PM » |
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I will, you never know I might pick up tips if it all happens and be able to share them here.
Rich
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Paz
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« Reply #19 on: August 16, 2010, 08:27:54 PM » |
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Is Cardiff very far from where you live?
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If you tremble indignation at every injustice then you are a comrade of mine. - Che Guevara
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Ashes
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« Reply #20 on: August 17, 2010, 05:21:35 PM » |
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Good luck with Cardiff it sounds like you could get much better treatment.
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How can I be useful, of what service can I be? There is something inside me, what can it be?
Vincent Van Gogh
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cadno
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« Reply #21 on: August 17, 2010, 05:45:12 PM » |
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Hi Paz, no its not far, literally an hours bus journey and if I get a friend to drive me not even half an hour (for some reason the buses seem to take forever around here).
I'm really hoping I can pull this off, frankly putting it I need better treatment if I am to cope better in the future. I know its being optimistic but I do hope for a future where my bp no longer rules me but is more something I just have to deal with once in a while. As it stands now I'm nowhere near that, but heres to the future regardless!
Rich
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daveboy
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« Reply #22 on: August 17, 2010, 11:23:05 PM » |
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Rich,
I've been slipping today myself.
Like you (in a way) to me depression is like a sort of mugger lurking around every corner. Now the bastard's trying to get me again.
I know so well what it's like to feel better and swing into an up mood and then just to plunge. I've also put my poor wife through ordeals. One night I got blind drunk, threatened to kill myself with the bread knife I was holding and then got carted off to the psych ward by the police. Now I was too drunk to remember that night - the twisted shit that was coming out of me, the knives I was throwing about the room - but to her it's a real and living memory. We get over these things (if only fleetingly) but they are the one's who actually witness them.
Anyway, hang in there mate. It will pass.
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daveboy
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« Reply #23 on: August 18, 2010, 08:39:01 AM » |
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Don't you all think that maybe we should just get 'it will pass' tattoed on the inside of our eyelids. It might just do the trick |
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cadno
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« Reply #24 on: August 18, 2010, 05:53:22 PM » |
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That means I have to remove the 'this way is up' tattoo then!
Rich
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daveboy
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« Reply #25 on: August 18, 2010, 10:09:15 PM » |
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Probably better than a 'This way down'!
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