Needing more meds?

[Paz]

 I was just wondering if anyone else besides me has needed a little bit more pharmaceutical help during this busy Season....I have needed more at times....I am still taking a bit of Homeopathic as well and of course Mother Nature's medicine   .

 Am I weak? Can I not handle stress? Maybe, maybe not. I came down from Euphoria a little while ago, but I didn't go through the angry stage, just mixed episodes, a bit of depression, and now I am not sure how I feel, but I am a bit squirrely, so I am making sure I take my meds, and I even am adding a bit here and there when I feel like I might lose it. I just want to be mellow and enjoy the Season, you know? And I wonder if people like us can ever really enjoy anything 
 I just want to be Happy and have Fun....why is it so hard?

[Phyllis]

I thought I was doing good... and then it all fell apart the other day. It started a few days back with not being able to focus and that happens so often I know the routine to alleviation. But as the days go by I am getting worse and worse. I don't know how I am going to make it. I need some ocean sounds to put on my mp3 player so I can listen to that and become one with myself, instead of several thousands of myself. 

[Paz]

 I am still medicating a bit more than usual, and I had an awful argument with DJ the other day, and he said "I don't normally think or say this, but I am definitely sure this is due to your Bipolar". 
 Wow. I suck
 There is really not that much going on to stress me out, yet I feel restless and annoyed for some reason.
  I hate myself all the time, and I always will and I hate the fact that I feel that way, but I cannot help it and I haven't figured out a way to deal with that...and I need a therapist who can help me with that....my last Doc was close to helping me figure it out, but then we moved
 All those tests that the Docs made me take are in my file....maybe the answer is in one of those results?

 I just want to be happy....I was in the not too distant past, and I know I can be again...it must be the winter blues.
 I need some warm sandy beaches and sun! Maybe I will get my wish.
 My family is healthy and happy...at least that is some comfort to my funk.
 Now time for a little  ,then some shopping, doing crafts with our son and baking more cookies....

[Phyllis]

yeah, I doubled up today... I had to take a seroquel and 2mg of Ativan. I was looking for some  but no one has any right now. Hopefully tomorrow. I just know I have now fallen into a deep funk. I just give the fuck up. Everything I touches turns to shit. Everything is my fault for letting people treat me the way they do. But it sucks even worse when it is your own family that treats you like shit. (I know you can relate Paz). I'm just sick to my stomach and am tired of trying so fucking hard when in the end, everyone just disses me. I feel like it doesn't matter if I am here or not. Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything stupid. But damn it, I can't take any damn more! I refuse! Everyone can fuck off for all I care. That is where I am presently. My in-laws will be here tomorrow afternoon. I have had minimal help with getting things ready. I still have a list from hell of things that need to get done. And painting Sara's room was on that list. Well, I guess I get to go in there and scrub all of her walls tonight. Alone. I will be home alone with the  kids -  Brian has Masons tonight. I really wish he could skip it this one time. Fuck me!

[Paz]

 Aww man.....(((HUGS!)))
 
 Sending super powerful spazy Paz energy your way. I hear you on all of what you are dealing with. That was me a few years ago. Wish I lived in the same country so I could help you...I am ramping up with energy & restlessness, DJ [who hates meds] said that if I need more meds, then I should take them, because sometimes I am difficult to understand when I get going....
 We have amazing  in BC...have some cush and it helps a lot!
  I have a feeling I will be talking to you on the phone over the holidays, and that's all good!
  If you need to bitch, just call...I loves ya, Phyllis!