It all happens so fast...

[Anaise]

My boyfriend and I moved back to our homestate in November.  I immediately found a therapist and a Dr. for Rx.   Unfortunately, my therapist was an angry, bitter, Ala-non pushing lunatic.   It's so hard to find a good counselor.   Seriously, all I ask is to not tell me all of your problems and to have a true concern for my well being.  Why does that seem to be too much to ask?  My main objectives in therapy are dealing with family issues, a sexual assault that happened 3 years ago (and how it effects my relationship with my Man), and bipolar maintenance.   I personally do not drink (heartburn and don't like it anymore) I don't abuse drugs (smoke pot on special occasions).  My Boyfriend does drink but, it's a non-issue.  I know alcoholics and he is not.  He's fucking British and likes weird beer and red wine.  No, I don't have "urges" and no, it doesn't bother me in the least bit.   I told her what I have told all of my other counselors, "Before you make any judgement, get to know me and then, you will see."  Well, she is the first one to be an absolute lunatic alanon pushing idiot to me.   Sorry, but I'm in a bad rapid cycle right now and while it hasn't pissed me off too much, right now I'm pissed.  lol    I mean, seriously, I was talking about the after effects of being raped and this fruit loop starts yammering on about "why don't I have a problem with my current bf's drinking?"   Ugh......I truly like the outline of the 12 steps.  It's these manipulators of the program that make me want to vomit.  If you don't have a problem, you are in denial.   If you sit and debate about it, you're protesting too much. 
Anyhoo, I nicely requested a new therapist in the beginning of January.  It's now Mid March and I just got an appt with a new one after being jerked around by her entire office staff.   
On a sucky note, it's my own fault I'm rapid cycling.  I procrastinated ordering my meds (canadapharmacy...soo cheap!!  love them!) and have been out of Lamictal for a month now.   I've been literally hiding in my room because I'm not seeing life clearly right now.   I'm becoming enraged over crap that was resolved a long time ago. 
I'm reliving garbage that happened years ago and feeling overwhelmed that my life is one big fat tragic mess of broken relationships and bad decisions. You know, I was at the point where I was not only recognizing signs of bipolar but, being extremely proactive in staying healthy.  I go to the gym, eat better, sleep right.  And all in the last couple of weeks, it's overwhelmed me.  Fuck.



The last time I was like this was after the last move when I had RX issues.   I really effing hate this shit.

[Anaise]

Crap.  This was supposed to go in the "Babble" section.  Crap.

[Phyllis]

that's ok. we won't send you to the corner... this time. 

[D13C]

I generally think psychiritiists etc are crazy fuckers who need to put someone else down to feel good about themselves but hey maybe I was just unlucky..............
I am an alchoholic but these days it's not really a problem for me and I did it by myself - I didn't need, AA, Al anon or therapists, I just decided I'd had enough. In any case everyone's gotta do what they gotta do. I still drink but it's intermintant. I have read the 12 steps but I'm not much into higher powers or god - "You can do whatever you want to do." - but I don't want to do much -that's why according to society standards I'm pretty much a failure - but who cares.
I hate being touched (under any circumstances) it took me awhile to deal with this, about 20 years - it's a weird sexual perference. I don't know how relevant this is to you, as far as I'm aware I've never been raped. I can't really add much here, it's murky ground and I don't want to hurt, influence or give useless advice that people who really don't understand tend to do when confronting this issue with people.
Don't feel bad about messing up your medication, everyones done that.
I'm underwhelmed at the moment but I try to never panic about anything life is too short. Hope you get it together.

D13C.