This one is for the women and the parents...

[A.L.Weasley]

Ever since I was a little girl I always wanted kids. As I came to understand my disorder this is something i fear. I don't want my children to have to be stuck with a mother who cries uncontrollably and says horrible things to them that she would instantly take back after she came to her senses. I also fear passing BP onto my child... I couldn't live with the guilt and I wouldn't want my child to go through the things I have. I am not bashing anyone of you who has passed on BP to their child... I am sure you are a great parent... but me personally I don't know how well I would do. I also know that when you are pregnant you can't take a lot of the meds for BP. Pregnant women have enough emotions. Bipolar, pregnant, lack of meds, O_O scary shit!! And you can also have increased risk of postpartum depression. I am also concerned about marriage. I am curious to know some of your experiences and  tips to successful marriages/relationships with BP. I am just concerned for my future family. I know I am only 16 but these topics scare the shit out of me!! 

[Paz]

  I was diagnosed BP1 when my son was almost 2 years old. I am terrified that I may pass on my BP to him. If I had known I was BP before I got pregnant, I would have taken more precautions. I am not saying that I regret having a child, I love him more than anything in the world, he keeps me alive! I could never leave him or my husband, and that is what keeps me from doing anything foolish.
 If I had known that I was Bipolar a few years earlier, then I would have made sure that we had taken more precaution. A year before I got pregnant, I had a miscarriage at 4 months. The docs at the Hospital told me that I wasn't going to be able to have any children. My husband and I believed them, after all we had been together for 4 years at that point, I am 6 years older than my husband, and I just figured that I was too old, and we just accepted it.
 All of this happened 3+ years BEFORE I was diagnosed.
 When we found out 6 months after the miscarriage that I was pregnant, we were thrilled, and nervous, but I had a healthy 8lb boy via C-section. He is perfect, and a perfectly healthy and intelligent kindergartener.
 I understand your fear, I live with it everyday.
 When I was diagnosed BP, I was totally freaked out in more ways than one......I was petrified for our son. I don't want him to be like me!
 I am not saying that how I feel is how the other Mothers here feel, I probably am the only one. And I am not judging any of them, just as sure as they would not judge me for my feelings. I love my family so much, I am blessed to have them, they make my life worth living. I am happy to be a Mother, I think I am a pretty good one, older than most Mothers, but hopefully that means I am wiser! I know for sure that I am the coolest Mom at my son's school 

 Having children is a very hard decision for people to make, you need to be sure that you can handle it. My husband and I thought that it would be scary, but a good thing. We have a solid relationship. We certainly didn't expect that I would flip out a couple of years later and then be diagnosed BP1!
And now, years later, after all of the Pdocs, therapy, meds, coping skills, etc. I feel capable of living a mostly happy life and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

 I feel that my BP is just a "personality enhancement" that can be a burden at times. My husband is a very understanding and cool guy, and he helps me all the time, reassuring me, putting up with my moods, and always removing me from the room if I start mood swinging so our son doesn't see it happening. We have told our son that I have a brain injury......which is not entirely untrue, as I had a serious concussion when I was younger[from my horse refusing a jump, I went down and crashed my head on a rock, good thing I was wearing a riding helmet] that is how we explain to him when I am not feeling well, and he accepts it. He knows about brain injuries from watching hockey. When he gets much, much older we will explain what exactly my brain disorder is.....for now he can just go on thinking it is a brain injury.

I think you are smart for asking yourself these types of questions at such a young age. They are scary questions, and I don't know where you will find the answers, but I hope that I shed a bit of light for you, and I hope some others here will share their experiences with you as well.

* I talk about how my husband helps me [and deals with my craziness!] on some of my vlogs, maybe they can give you a bit of insight into some of the things a BP relationship entails.

[goosemuffin]

My experience with BP and parenting:
I gave birth to my first born a week before my 17th birthday I was young and very ignorant to everything, having a mental problem wasn't even a thought in my head. I think my problems surfaced in my early 20's. I was very moody and took alot of my anger out on anyone who was around and I feel I wasn't a good parent, yet my now 17 yo son is about to graduate highschool and preparing for college. I had to have done something right?
It was just me and him for 10 years until my 2nd son was born and I was a bit more mature but still a moody mess and a little bit of a better parent but suffered severe postpartum depression though I wasn't diagnosed at the time I now know what I was dealing with. I had my daughter 3 years later and suffered PPD again, this time being diagnosed. I was on an antidepressant for awhile and eventually quit it. I had my last child (another boy) 2 years after my daughter was born I was over 30 and during the pregnancy I was finally diagnosed with bipolar and took lithium, xanax and welbutrin (in low doses). I think it helped.

I had my last by csection he was a whopping 10 lb baby and perfectly healthy. I also had my tubes tied and again PPD. It was way worse than the previous 2 times.
Then I began the roller coaster of med after med and it made my moods even worse BUT I was now informed with my disorder and I feel I was a much better parent to my 2 youngest kids.

I really truly believe that being well informed on what was wrong with me helped me greatly as far as parenting.
As far as relationships go I was a complete disaster with my first two marriages which lasted 10 and 2 years.
My relationship with my husband now is wonderful. I contribute that to the fact that he is also well informed on my illness and is 100% supportive.

I agree with Paz that you are wise in questioning your future as a parent and spouse at a young age. I think that you being so informed now on your illness will make you a better person and be able to control and recognize when you are having issues and nip them in the bud.

Best advice I can give is to make sure your spouse is well informed on everything you are going through. It has made my life so much better being with someone who understands me and what's going on with me.

I'm sorry if I went off on a totally different rant, I get like that at times.

[Phyllis]

I have 4 kids and one miscarriage at 5/6 months. I was dx with severe clinical depression at the age of 15. I had my first child when I was 21. I had already been battling with mental illness for 6 years prior to my pregnancy. I never wanted kids. And look at me now. I had never really thought about passing on the depression on to my daughter. I had been on and off Prozac for a number of year, but stopped when I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. Everything was fine until me and my daughters father split. He has a lot of issues and to make a very very long story short, I ended up with PTSD along with my depression.

I was the parent that you have described that you do not want to be. Always a mess; either sad or pissed of to high heavens and verbally abusive. Everything pissed me off. I had no control. And this is how I lived my life up to my third pregnancy; my youngest son.

I was on highs and lows and had erratic behavior. Experienced mania, hypersexuality, extreme rage, poor judgement, etc etc...

I was tired of being this ugly beast. I had no idea what was wrong with me. Until I met someone with BP. We got to talking and my eyes were opened to a possible explanation of what was wrong with me. So, I ended up going to a therapist to get a diagnosis - any daignosis that could explain to me what was wrong with me. Another very long story short, I was diagnosed BP2.

A few years had passed and I got pregnant with my youngest daughter. I was on medication during the whole pregnancy, but my meds were decreased and I was taken off of the Klonopin. My OB wanted me to see a geneticist to go over things with and to confirm that taking meds during this pregnancy was going to do no harm. My pdoc also did research and called the medical college to check and see if all the meds I was on would be alright.

I had a normal pregnancy and normal delivery. I did not breastfeed. (I didn't with any of my children for that matter)

I have had worries about my kids. My girls in all honesty or horrible. I love them with every fiber of my being, but they are really bad. My oldest daughter has ADHD so there is some explanation for her behaviors. My youngest daughter who will be 4 in a few weeks is your worst nightmare. Again, I love her to pieces, but she in uncontrollable. And I can't help but wonder if that is because of the meds I was taking during my pregnancy. I also experienced Post Partum Depression with her. She was the only one.

My oldest son who is going to be 12 next month has experienced mood swings. We have kept our eye on things and are not sure if it is BP related or just puberty.

My youngest son who will be 9 in October has serious anger issues which has us concerned. He is fine at school, but at home he has shown some pretty terrifying signs. So, the question again is, is it my fault? did I pass something on to him?

Sorry I got so long winded. My story is kind of different than others due to the diagnosis at the age of 15. So, I had been living with an MI for sometime before I had kids, so that kinda mixes it up a bit.

I agree with Paz, I think it is wise of you to start thinking NOW.

[spongebobfan]

I don't have children or a husband and I wonder all the same things. I'm terrified to have children of my own for fear they will be like me. This was a hard fear to come to terms with because having kids is all I ever wanted. I think these decisions have to be thought out and made when you are ready. They are extremely important and i wish you luck in finding your way.

[A.L.Weasley]

thanks so much it really helped to hear some of your thoughts.

[donna14]

I have three children (I am bp1).  I had my first child before I was diagnosed.  Now I have one child that is bp1, and one autistic child.  clearly my genetic make up is not the best.  I would not have had kids had I known.  We already had number one and they said I could not have any more without fertility treatments, then we got number 2 three years later.  (guess the doctor was wrong)  Then came birth control which failed ( I forgot that anti-biotics mess with the pill).  I have told all my children that they need to adopt and this needs to end here.  Of course they are free to do what they want, but the oldest two both agree that there are many unwanted children out there.  I would never tell anyone else what to do about this because it is a very personal decision, but it is how I feel.  Don't know if that will help or not.