please help me. if anyone is out there please help

[k]

i have gone into withdrawals from benzo i think and it horrifying.  i don't know what to do.    i went by ambulance to er yesterday but refused to stay because symptoms disappeared.    went to doctor with horrifying symptoms and she think it
  withdrawals   OMG  oh, god. it's as horrible as some has said - it mirrors death over and over and i can't get my doc and

has anyone done this.   does anyone know where i can get help.   i  think i'm suppose to ride it out.

[donna14]

k,
     It does sound like you are going through benzo withdrawal.  They are really, really bad.  You need to go back to the hospital and let them help to step you down.  That is the only way if you can't get your doc to help.  I have gone through this and I remember every bit of it.  It was terrible and something I don't want to repeat.  Seriously, go back to the hospital, don't try to sweat this out on your own.

Donna

[k]

thank you donnna    thnk you.   i can't go to the hospital.   fuck this is so fucking.   i hate my stupid pdoc..  he should have his ass sued off him.   i've always defended him even though i knew he had given up.   i've taken low doses of xanax for over 15yrs.  i never thought i was addicted because i don't have an addictive personality. and the pdoc agree.  then he said as long as i stay under 4mg  i took only .25mg  until 2 years ago when he told me to up to 4mg.      i told him i wanted off.   he said good.   fuck.   the fucking that ambulance ride was 45 min.     thank you thank you     i'm going to try to ride it out till i can talk to my NP tommorow.    thanks. thanks.       god.   i never ever believed this would happen to me.    i was following my doctors advise  goddamn it.  i should have known   

[Paz]

 The doc didn't tell you to slowly taper off on your dose? 

 I have had Benzo withdrawal before, stomach cramps, sweating, shaking, weakness.....do you have any of those symptoms? I was taking the stuff that the naturopath gave me, and I felt better after a couple of days. I slept a lot afterwards, but the 2 nights I had bad symptoms it was very uncomfortable.
 I was drinking vitamin B complex and fiber drinks, and tons of vitamin c, and other stuff, basically flushing all of the toxins out of my body.
 The Benzos are a toxin that needs to get flushed out. You need to talk to your doc, and if the doc can't help, maybe call a place that specializes in detox for drugs? You are not an addict by choice, it was by your doc's orders. Maybe a  place like that should be able to help?

[goosemuffin]

Anpther thing, there's a difference between being addicted and being dependent.

for the dr to just let you stop is fuckefd up. That can be really dangerous.
If he won't give you a rx for it the er psyche will defkinitely help is you explain your situation.

I'm sorry you're dealing with it, I too have came off xanax and ativan abruptly and it was one of the worst feelings ever.

[Dreamline]

Fuck that!  Don't ride it out...that's too much OMG do like the other's said and step down gradually.  The stress could trigger an episode.  I did that to myself before even knowing better, like a dumbass I quit smoking heroin without weaning myself off of it.  OMG that was horrible, felt like I had the flu or something, intense pain...I went to work like that.  Nobody seemed to notice.  Good thing was, weed helped

[donna14]

k,
     are you doing better?  Did you see your pdoc and get meds?  Let us know that you are ok.

Donna

[k]

i think i have probably passed the worst of it.   thank you guys very much for responding.   i was trying to typed out what happened but i seem to have a difficult time expressing myself - but, it's obviously better than it was before.   
i'm going to write what happened off line and then post it.   if only someone  had warned me (my pdoc and therapist)  that even though i was tapering down slowly it can STILL happen considering the number of years i've been on xanax. 
i still have symptoms but now that i know what it is and now :wtf that they are gradually getting better i am no longer frightened.  however, i am extremely depressed because i was totally abandoned by my pdoc and therapist.  despite my frantic calls.  and despite that my messages included a 911 call and ambulance to the hospital.     yesterday i was also cut off from the internet by a freakish storm.  it has snowed at my house before but never the f**k  in APRIL.  hell, i live in fricken california below 2,000ft.    my property is now swamp land.
today it was 32 degrees outside (we barely hit that in winter)  this is getting to be frightening strange with the weather and earthquakes and tsunami.  hey, if you're looking for a cheap house there's one floating in the ocean from japan on it's way to calif.    gees it's taken me almost an hour to write this.  yeah,my brain is working great.......

[Dreamline]

  I don't your pdocs trying to ignore you for their fuckups!!!  That's low!!!!

[donna14]

I am glad you are feeling better.  I was worried.  I understand completely about feeling abandoned by you pdoc and therapist.  It may be time to change.  The alternative would be to write a letter to each describing how abandoned you felt and how frightened, etc.  You could either mail them or give them the letters at your next appointment.  I would write it down though because I know how easy it is to get off track.  Again, glad you are feeling better.

Donna

[k]

i have tried over and over to post and can't get anything out.  i'm giving up.  trying to type that is.     but, i was here and read some posts and wish i was able to respond.   that first week was horrible but i really lucked out with the nurse practioner.  she herself has gone through it.  she was incredible.  but now i seem to go up and down a lot.   and, for the first time i ache to take more xanax.     my anxiety and depression are so high i just want sleep.  but, i'm so low i'm having second thoughts that i may not be able to do this.  i cry.  i can't type. i can't read.  i can't sleep.   geez, i still have 2mg to go.  and, since i can't type i am completely cut off from the world.  i need support (actual in person support)  and it's just not available.   i mean my dog tries.  he really really tries..........

[Phyllis]

I'm so sorry K. I wish I could be there to help you and give you a great big hug!