Am I fighting a losing battle?

[cadno]

Ok, most of you know that I am in the process of tackling my hypersexuality, I've made it a mission so to speak and as I'm typing this right now I am running a thousand thoughts thanks to a rise in my moods.  But I keep hitting the same stumbling block, every article, every person I've probed for information has given me the same answer.  That answer is there is no way to control it once you've hit mania, before that you have some self control but once mania sets in forget it.  I don't want to accept that as an answer, I don't want to accept that I'll be out for a night out, start to go up in mood and suddenly find myself cheating on my wife or worse getting into a situation that places my life in danger.

I never worried too much before, most of the time it was a simple case of not feeling satified or feeling a strong urge that simply led to either sex with my wife or at the very least mastubation.  But I find as time goes on those impulses are getting worse, I find my thoughts figuring out how I'd have an affair, thinking such things as wouldn't it be amazing to be a sex party.  Yes these are thoughts that I have no doubt people get on a normal basis, but mine are going from simple thoughts to near obsession as my mood rises. 

I am scared, I'll be honest with you all here and now, but part of my brain is just wired into the so called exitement I could gain from carrying out any pervese thought that enters my mind, and trust me I am a perverted person by nature.  I always want things to go to another level and as my mood increases towards mania I find it harder and harder to ignore such things.  Hell even typing this I find myself wondering about it, its just so damn frustrating and I don't want this as it is.  If I could control it, harness it and focus it on the person I love then that would be amazing, even if I have a slight giggle and think she'd soon fake the odd headache to get a break. 

I don't know, am I fighting a losing battle, is it possible to beat this and most of all does anyone have any good success stories in regards to dealing with hypersexuality they could share.  If you are shy about posting it on the board a PM would be great as seriously, I want to beat this, I want at least one thing in my life to be under my control.

Rich

[Phyllis]

Hopefully someone with BP1 will be able to give you some answers... Being BP2, I don't hit mania that often, but when I do, like you - it is uncontrollable. I get evil thoughts in my head and I want to be a "bad girl"... just because. No reason, just out of the blue I want to be impulsive and have no care in the world about what I do or the consequences I may have to face due to stupid actions I have made. Sometimes I teeter on the edge. I think that is where you are at right now. That edge of still being able to be in control, but if the wind blows the right way... you better watch out.

Some "bad girl" thoughts have been how to get away with robbing a bank, how to get away with doing harm to someone without getting caught, having a sexual free for all.... Of course the only one I have ever acted on was the last one. 

[cadno]

Hit the nail on the head with the teetering on the edge, I'm at that point now and I'm being honest I don't like the way that wind is blowing!

I'm hoping to find some answers, I have to have hope don't I?

Thanks Phyllis for your reply though, at this moment its the friendly voice I needed to hear...

Rich

[Dreamline]

When manic I have a sex slave...but you're married...maybe your wife likes somebody else and you 2 could agree to it...I dunno, don't listen to me.   

[cadno]

Dreamline I will always listen to anyone who offers advice and believe me yours is something that has crossed my mind on a few occasions to the point where I approached my wife with the idea.  If things get worse it could be a real possibility, but I'm hoping not to get to that point, in reality if we were to experiment in that way I'd rather it through mutual agreement and not just to satify my sexual urges. 

Seriously though, thank you dreamline and everyone else please keep the advice coming!

Rich

[k]

cadno you already know it can be quite common in bp1. (as well in 99.9% of the male population)     my husband has a very similar "problem."  unfortunately he acted on those impulsion's and it only made things worse for him rather than better.   i can only talk  about what i know of him and myself.  one thing he relates to me is that nothing actually ever satisfies the urge or decreases the obsessive thoughts.  i  try to understand his desires/obsessions that i can't possibly meet.  we do talk about it and try to come up with solutions that might help decrease the obsessive thoughts.  i know that he loves me and that the sex thing has nothing to do with not loving me enough.  i guess that's why i'm a big believer in polygamy.      but, if it's an obsession that effects your life in a bad way i think it's worth it to keep working away at it.       when you feel mania breaking through (which is difficult if you're enjoying a good hypo-mania)  i try to talk myself into taking some quick acting meds that knock me out.   or might i recommend seroquel at high doses all the time - the thought will definitely leave your mind, as will almost everything else.

i applaud your honesty and your courage.  good luck

[cadno]

Thanks for the input K, when it comes to meds though sadly we're a little behind in the Uk, I only have access to Olanzipine and Lithium, I should have diazapam but sadly due to admin error I'm currently out and waiting to sort it out.  I know from everything I've read, peoples feedback etc that I am literally on the back foot with this whole situation.  How do you control an impulse so strong when your own mood wants to keep getting more and more excitement?

I just keep it in my heart that somewhere there has to be a solution, whether its meds, lifestyle or even a spiritual answer to the problem.  I will confess here and now how bad I have been in the past.  I've done the whole phoning sex chat lines running up a rather large phone bill in the process, I've literally manipulated situations to the point where I've almost cheated and its only due to some strange happening that I somehow get sidetracked, hell that might be my actual conscience kicking in somehow. 

The thing is, I know in my heart of hearts its a matter of time, up until now I've not presented with the chance to act on the impulse, I'm usually safe and sound at home just driving myself crazy with the thoughts in my head.  My wife has been amazing and bless her she tries to understand but it can't be easy when your husband is having thoughts that literally could spell doom for your relationship.

Anyway, getting onto the topic and sticking with it here, what I'm trying to do is take everyones opinions here and add it to what I already know and see if I can make some sort of measure that acts as a stop gap.  You know holding off the impulse long enough for my common sense to kick in or on the other hand find a way to redirect it altogether. 

That is my quest in this regard and even though I know I'm fighting a losing battle on so many fronts, ultimately I want to win the war.

Rich

[Dreamline]

I think sex drive and hypersexuality has nothing to do with your sex.  It has to do with mania, your health and your culture/religeon can repress it.  This is another subject but it pisses me off that culture and religeon represses female sexuality, leading to the belief that males have a stronger drive.  K made a good point that nothing can satisfy manic hypersexuality...you just want more, more, more.  It really sucks to feel that way and in a relationship I harrassed the hell out of my ex b/f.  He was like "WTF is WRONG with you???"  It does matter what you do, 5 minutes later you wanna do it again.

[cadno]

I completely agree that its main cause is mania, even a slight increase in that 'high' mood is enough to trigger it with me.  But I still believe that through all the emotions, the urges and everything else that there has to be an aspect that if understood could lead to control.  They teach you in therapy that you can pull yourself out of a depression providing you can identify the right triggers, hell in some cases you can prevent it with that knowledge.  Its not a 100% but its still better than nothing.  Now with mania I've never managed anything close to that, mainly because (and I know its bad) I enjoy my mania's when they hit, I don't want to come down.

So that's my thinking, if mania is the trigger for hypersexuality, then how do I pre-empt that trigger?

Rich

[k]

 i do believe that men predominately have a higher sex drive in general than woman do.  of coarse there are variables with both genders.      but, with bp and mania it is just as likely to be female as male experiencing hyper sexuality (count me in.)       
 cadno i'm not sure i understand exactly what you are saying.  do you slip straight into mania's without ever passing through hypo mania??  i'd like to hear from everyone about that cuz i've been wondering that myself.   as far as i can remember  (it's been awhile)    i usually get caught up in hypomania first and if i don't do something to stop myself - because it can just feel so great - i end up slipping all the way into mania where i have lost most ability to make good judgements and sooner or later i just go freaking crazy and end up   ummmmm handcuffed or begging for someone to knock me over the head and put me to sleep.

[Phyllis]

for me personally, i can go straight into mania and i don't realize it until it's over (and most often too late). i can tell when i'm hypo, i guess because in that stage i am not too far gone to realize something is up so i try the best i can to stop it before it gets out of control.... sometimes. i really miss being manic. i really do. there are too many positive things about it for me to not miss it. i guess that is because i deal with depression too often. i would assume someone with mania all the time probably gets tired of it?

[cadno]

Yep, same here, I can bypass all stages and hit full blown mania in a matter of hours.  I don't even realise its happening until I've gone euphoric and no longer really care.  its only only when I come back down and crash that I realise what has happened.

Rich

[k]

thanks for the insight.  i appreciate it.   now i'm just curious as hell if i do that or not?   hmmm what might set me off.  it' just a test of coarse.  just a test

[cadno]

So I'm not the only one who will literally delve into his madness just to find out how I got there in the first place lol

Rich

[Dreamline]

I usually experience hypomania first and that's when I'm in denial.  I don't realize I'm manic until I feel really out of control and my thoughts are racing so fast it scares me!  In the past I would go strait into mania if I did LSD...which I thought was great...and it lasted for months.  Accept sometimes it was too intesnse. 

Anyway, they teach me in therapy to identify mania triggers...which are almost anything I think.  So I am in the same boat, what do you do esp when you are enjoying it?  I know of somebody who would spend days hiking in the woods when she was hypo/manic.  I dunno if she had BP 1 or 2.  But she did it as a healthy non stress peacful way to expend energy.  I wish I could do that.