We all try to be helpful to one another, that is sort of the reason this website even exists. It is a good thing to be able to hear from someone who actually knows what it's like to live with Bipolar, after all who knows better than a fellow BP how hard things can be?
I wanted to say that whenever I give an opinion on something, I am drawing from my own experiences with living with Bipolar. Now some of you may think, "oh easy to say just move or just change things....." Well, I say those things because it's something that I have had personal experience with.
And believe me, it is not easy to do those things, but it is not impossible. For instance, I don't know how many of you know that when we went to Costa Rica, it was only supposed to be for the winter [4 months] It turned out to be a year, but that is because we had no home to go back to. Shocking, eh?
Nobody was more shocked than we were. See, when we left for CR we were living in my Dad's ski house [we had our own ski cabin, but it was very small, too small to live in with a baby, only 1 BR] anyway, we had moved into my Dad's place right before our son was born. DJ & I bought all new furniture, and some appliances, and I figured we were settled, you know? Well my health was deteriorating from too many meds, and we needed a change of scene for the winter, and DJ had given up his job {Head Chef at Stowe} to try working from home so he could take care of Jay & I. I was really sick from the meds, I shook so badly I couldn't dress myself or even hold a fork. So, as scary as it was, DJ left his job to try and work from home so he could help me.
Anyway, we went to CR for a break, only to find out when we called to check and see if the house was OK [neighbors were keeping an eye on things for us] we were informed that we were not to come back, we were not welcome.
Apparently my Dad & his wife got a bee in their bonnets about something, and we were told to "figure something out". Basically, we lost everything with the exception of some personal & valuable things which were removed before we left for the winter. So, no furniture, no appliances, no dishes, no books.....we had nothing except for what we had with us in CR. And we couldn't go back because we had sold our little ski cabin the year before. Hell, we even lost our Jeep! [our friends had it at their house, and they wound up buying it from us] And we have a child! Do you have any idea how fucked up that situation was for us? Talk about being scary, when you have a kid that you have to love & provide for, and then you are told "tough luck"? Well, we had to start all over again. It's a good thing that DJ's home business worked out, or we would have been totally screwed. To this day, my Mother is so flabbergasted at what my Dad did to us, I am his only remaining child! My Mom thinks that my Dad got mad because he couldn't control what we were doing[ he's a big control freak $$ does that to people sometimes] I could get into how hurt & angry we were, but I won't. The point is I know how hard it is to make big changes. When your health & happiness is at stake [basically your LIFE] tough changes and actions necessary. We were put in a pretty impossible situation, and we did whatever it took to fix it. Nothing is impossible, especially if you truly need to change things. If that means changing your job, then do it. If it means moving, then do so, and if you own your house and can't sell it, then try and figure something out.......more people are renting places nowadays, there is always that avenue to explore. And if you are single, consider yourself lucky in the way that you don't need to worry about kids, schools, clothes and all the other things that kids need.
I try to be helpful in the only way I know how, which is to draw from my own personal experiences and share what I have done with others in the hope that it can help. It is the same with the alternative therapies that I have tried, I mention these things because it is what I have experience with.
I won't just tell someone what they want to hear, because it's not helpful. Sometimes the cold hard truth is just what someone needs to make them spring into action. People complain all the time about meds and other people and situations, yet they do nothing to change their situation. How can you help people that ask for help, yet don't really want it? Tomcat was a perfect example of this problem, he said he wanted help, complained about everything & everyone, didn't want to take responsibility for himself, and just shit on every idea that others [friends, pdocs] suggested to him. You know, we all are mentally ill here, but that doesn't mean you are helpless [unless they have you locked in a ward]. We have to take responsibility for our lives, there is not a magic pill that is going to make us all better and normal. It takes work, we BP's have to work harder than "regular" people, but you know what? We BP's are all highly intelligent, we can & should be up to the challenge.
We are all highly emotional people, but sometimes we need to use cold logic to be able to accomplish things. Looking at things intellectually is a huge strength that I have learned in therapy. And again, this is a suggestion that I am making, it is from my own experience.
