So I'm fucking High!

[cadno]

Hmmm, title says it all really, I'm high, not euphoric just high!

What's wrong with that right?

People around me saying you need to take your meds, sit down and relax, stop talking and give yourself a few minutes.....BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!

Tough, I'm enjoying myself and frankly with all the shit BP can cause in my life what is wrong with a little fun right?

So I'm planning the future? So I think I can write the greatest novel in the world, what if I want to buy something that can give me a certain amount of joy!

I hate this, when I'm depressed I get told to motivate myself and try to carry on as we all know 'if you do things it'll help' yeah but what if the nice pit I'm in is comfortable and I want to rest there and ride out the storm!

Anyway this is about high, lows can frankly find someone else to bother as I ain't coming down anytime soon if I have my way.  I'm betting people reading this are thinking 'he's not himself' well maybe I'm not who knows!.  The one thing I am clear on is I feel good, nothing wrong with that, so I have a hundred thoughts in my head, they are all good thoughts.  Just wanted to say sorry if I offened with the 'people reading this' comment, its not aimed at anyone, if anything I know people here understand what I'm talking about but I'm also aware this is not what people are used to from me.  I guess this is part of the reason I rarely post when I'm up because I swear, smoke and generally like to cause chaos!

Back to the blah blah blah, I'm just fed up of it, I'm happy for fucks sake, is that wrong, why do I have to be a zombie all the time, why does my brain have to be in a box labelled 'do not open'.  I'm not a danger right now, I'm aware of the signs that I'm going further up, I keep check myself for love of the gods.  But now, in this moment I am happy, ok out of character a little, not usually one for being so self centered.  But I'm enjoying this, I want to keep enjoying it as long as it lasts, yeah I know I'll drop and I'll start the whole 'I should have known better' speech but come on, a little happiness!

Now I know I'm babbling, but right now I'm literally thinking I want to dance, sing, spin around in the room and fall on the floor laughing my fucking head off while the whole world passes around me wondering where they can get on the ride!

Rich

[Dreamline]

That's about where I was 2 months ago.  Umm did you quit taking your meds?

[cadno]

I so wish, then I wouldn't have the mud in my brain slowing down an otherwise wonderful feeling!

Rich

[Dreamline]

I've noticed that when I get manic, lithium kind of ruins it by spacing me out and impairing my memory.  There's not much worse than being speedy manic and being uncoordinated, talk about dropping shit and running into things, damn.  Its a buzzkill.

[cadno]

I'm gaining a little more control today, mostly due to meds and a whole lot of mindfulness!

Its getting increasingly harder to control though as right now I can feel the obessive aspect of my personality kicking in, I'm going literally nuts because I'm filling with new ideas.  Problem is none of them in reality are possible, I know this, why can't I just stop there!

Its causing real tension between me and my wife as I am slowly and surely driving her mad with my babbling, I've not stopped talking all day, flitting from one thing to another.  Now I'm a little calmer I can see what I've been doing, but I can't seem to put a stop gap between now and what is going to happen.  Depression I can deal with, I know what to do, but highs, its so much different because in my heart of hearts I want them, I want the euphoria, I want to be the man I feel I am.

Must not though, I have to keep trying the mindfulness techniques, keep myself calm, avoid anything that can over stimulate me which is hard because there are things I have all around meant to do that when i'm depressed.

Rich

[Dreamline]

Hey remember the mood bricks?  LOL  Why not build a model house or draw or paint one.  Or maybe list their properties.

Here's what I remember:
they change colors with your mood or with a control
getting pissed off and punching them doesn't hurt anything, just put them back like legos
you can build and rebuild your own house anyway you like with them
they're fireproof, non-toxic, no electricity required
etc.

[Kensho]

good for you cando!!! i experiment with psilocybin mushrooms myself... i'm an experienced psychonaut... i take just enough to experience ego loss every time... i do this at least once or twice each month... it completely controls my depression... i believe that marijuana and all hallucinogens should be legalized... used properly they can cut a quick path to elevated consciousness and the higher self... take good care my friend...

Kensho 

[Dreamline]

Yep, good medicine.