Being Alone

[Paz]

  Today is the first day that I have been left alone in years [seriously].

  DJ went to the Library [Downtown], and our Son is at School [which is a block away].

  I am here with the Ratdog, and my thoughts.

  It's kind of strange, the House is so quiet, I have done all my chores so everything is neat & orderly, the dryer is going....and I am alone.
 
  I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but it is to me. Since my big manic nervous breakdown [and Bipolar 1 Dx] I have never been alone. They all made sure of that. At that time, our son was just 2 yrs.old.....so I was always with him and our dogs [we had older dogs when our Son was little, they died of old age and one passed in Costa Rica because he ate a poison frog ]. DJ worked as a Chef, but he left his position and started working from home to keep an eye on me and help with the Kid, because I was soooo dopey from my Meds. Then in Costa Rica we had a Casera who did the housework and helped me as well. I was never alone.

Even here, DJ & our Son are always around. Our son goes to School, but DJ works from home. Whenever I go out, it's usually with the both of them or one of them.
 
 So, today I have been left alone. I feel proud of myself......and a little anxious.   I know I am OK, but I feel weird.

 

[Phyllis]

 

[Dreamline]

I love being alone but then I live with my parents.  When they leave the entire atmosphere is lighter and everything.  The worst thing is not knowing when they'll be back.  So how did it go?  Ratdog was there to fill some of the space. 

[Phyllis]

I just wanted to explain why my comment was the cheerleader... I was cheering for the step you have made! Not because you were uncomfortable or uncertain about being alone... I would hope no one would think I am that mean, but I have recently learned that I need to make my statements crystal clear and I didn't want to hurt your feelings inadvertently, and I hope I didn't. 

[Paz]

 No worries Phyllis, I knew it was positive...that's why she has pom-poms!

 Dreamline, I can understand your desire to be alone. If your parents trigger your moods, then it must be Heavenly when they are not around.

 I do go for walks and hikes by myself, I get that time alone, but as far as being alone at the House, this was a first.

 I was fine, at first a wee bit anxious but then I just listened to the sound of Silence & Peace and the Ratdog just sat on my lap. I had Lunch, and then the time went by quickly, and I had to go pick Jay up at School. It was a good day. DJ came home and was happy that I was alright by myself.
 
 I feel like a little kid sometimes.....whoo- hoo I was left alone! But I do need looking after, that I cannot deny. It kind if sucks.

[mooddisorderedmind]

You should be proud. It can be hard to live with your own thoughts when it is quiet. Sorry to hear about your dog. This is great progress.

[Paz]

 
 Thanks!