Arguments and pushing people away.

[Art_girl216]

So, I don't want to get into detail, but my boyfriend (ex? I still do not know the situation) was always accusing me of just wanting to argue I never noticed when I was and never felt as if I was even starting an argument and when we did I felt like it was all or nothing with our arguments, like if I ever did anything wrong he didn't want to be around me, period.  That wasn't the situation, but I had it in my mind that's how it was.  I'd push him away or when times got hard and I had the feeling we were going to have a big argument I wanted to break up with him, very quickly.  I never meant it, but it just always came out.  Are these attitudes of a bipolar person, or am I just a person with severely bad habits?  I've tried to think about it for a while, and I don't really know how normal people handle things.   

[Geister]

I know I'm kind of young but I hope I can help anyways. I had the same problem with my previous boyfriend a year ago. When we got into arguments they were really bad and he'd either leave or I'd make him leave. I'd also have a habit of kicking him out of my room if I was really irritable or moody. I remember he commented once that he wanted a normal girlfriend. lol

I know I'm very sarcastic and my mood swings don't help, I'm very cynical and tend to get angry over the littlest things, he just couldn't handle it and I really don't blame him. My current boyfriend though is completely understanding (his uncle is schizophrenic so I think he's just more comfortable/knowledgeable when it comes to mental illness) and when I'm moody and can get really bitchy he doesn't take it personally.

I really think its part of being bipolar cause even my family says I like to start arguments.

Maybe you could get him a book on bipolar disorder so he's more educated about the symptoms and what it does to you, so he can help you through it?

I hope it works out for you.

[Kensho]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh... the emotional spectrum of bipolar/schizoaffective disorder... it runs full circle, and it's constantly at it... as long as we remain caught up in these "spiritual emergencies" there will always be one problem or another we'll have to deal with... the way i see it, we have two choices... we can confront it and slay it once and for all or we could roll with it and deal with issues as they arise... looking back, i'm grateful that cheryl had enough love for me and inner strength to carry on because trust me, she went through hell... most if not all the women i've come to know would have never hung in there... it's just too easy to walk away from someone with mental illness...

i think Geister had a great idea... giving him a book sounds awesome... i did a quick search on the net and found one that was described as "ground breaking" and received four plus stars on amazon... it's called "Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder"... you could also ask Paz... i'm sure her husband has read a book or two on the subject...

good luck...

Kensho 

 

[Art_girl216]

Wow, I will definitely look into that book.  Does anyone have any other books I should look into about anything on bipolar?  I really appreciate the help, no one in my family suffers from any mental disorders so it's hard to even talk to anyone about anything.  It's just really hard in general for anyone to understand, my mom tries, but she ends up calling me crazy and mean.  My mom and brother tend to gang up on me when we go on vacations and have family time, especially when I have episodes...It's not fun.  I felt like my boyfriend cared, but he's got emotional problems of his own where he can't stand it if people won't listen to what he's saying, and I don't even hear alot of what people say half of the time, it's really hard....I sometimes wish I didn't have to deal with this, I just want to be normal, but I guess there's no such thing as normal, right?

[Phyllis]

normal is relative.... 

[LadyAshley]

I am like that too Hailey. I seriously don't know how Dave puts up with me. I argue about everything and scream and call him names and everything else that is mean. I just almost resent him for not getting mad at me back or something. It's totally twisted and weird.

[Kensho]

yes. it is twisted and weird... but that's cool! 

Kensho 

[Jennie]

I'm pretty sure it's Bipolar Disorder. I too had that problem. I was the passive aggressive type, and just avoided the situation. When he kept pushing about it, it went into a full blown argument, and I would go all out. Then I'd start to push him away, and like you, I'd say I want him to leave and break up, when I didn't mean it. That was 5 years ago, and we're now married with a child, and besides the normal tid bits, we're doing great!

And ya know what?!?! I know you can do it too. You've already taken the first big step. Surrendering and realizing you have a problem. That's wonderful!
I know it's hard. Really really hard. But try and try to practice, and take deep breaths before you say anything, to keep you from being aggressive. I know it's silly, but it works. Sometimes in the middle of an argument, (I don't know him so I'm not sure how your boyfriend will react) but when in the middle of an argument and you're about to say something you don't mean, or harsh, tell him you need to take a moment for yourself, and you'll continue the conversation later. In that time, evaluate yourself and the situation. since you're alone, you won't have him in your ear, and you can think more rationally. Then of course, go back and finish the conversation, and it should be more lovely than what it would've been. =)