Dreamline
Freak of art.
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« on: November 20, 2011, 09:53:00 PM » |
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The universe keeps giving me a BIG FUCKING MIDDLE FINGER!!!!  That's right....I get fucked by GOD HIMSELF. So I feel like shit, I'm all jacked up...I'm sad when I laugh and even laugh when I' sad. I have no motivation but I run on too much energy. I hate my life, yeah I'm getting somewhere but not really...because what's the difference. I hate walking my dog, I hate the gym but need to loose the energy, music sucks but its exciting, playing in annoying. My dog is annoying, I need him but don't feel like this shit. Sometimes I feel perfectly fine but it falls out from under me. My friend is jealous because random stupid guys yell at me, what the fuck its not like I get their phone numbers. So there you go I'm hypomanic and depressed. All because of some ASSHOLE with no fucking heart wanted to fuck with me and stress me out because he fucking jealous of somebody else. I want to fuck something up. |
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The judges head spins confused.
For order is just a center pivot.
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Paz
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« Reply #1 on: November 20, 2011, 11:18:15 PM » |
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Wow........I wish I was there to give you a big hug and a shoulder to cry on. You sound mixed......do you have any Klonopin to calm you down?
Have you tried calling a hotline just so you can talk to someone who is empathetic? You can vent to them, that is what they are there for.
I am sorry that I am not around so much, we are moving in a few days and things are just hectic, but if you message me here I can meet you in chat for a little while.
Hang in there as best as you can. I know all about the anger & frustration, and it sucks ASS! I'm sorry that you are feeling this way.
(((INTERGALACTIC SUPERSTAR HUGS)))
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If you tremble indignation at every injustice then you are a comrade of mine. - Che Guevara
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Kensho
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« Reply #2 on: November 21, 2011, 12:06:50 AM » |
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all i can say to you is that i've been there and know exactly how you feel... i wish you were here right now, i would give you the biggest hug ever.... (((((BIG HUGZZZ))))) Kensho  |
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"it is possible to undergo a profound crisis involving non-ordinary experiences and to perceive it as pathological or psychiatric when in fact it may be more accurately and beneficially defined as a spiritual emergency..." ~~~ Stanislav Grof MD, PhD a passage from "Spiritual Emergency"
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Dreamline
Freak of art.
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« Reply #3 on: November 21, 2011, 10:41:13 AM » |
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The night before last I drank a few beers so I didn't take my 3rd dose of lithium, I'm sure that didn't help. I feel numb right now mostly. I keep getting fucked by people....my BFF texted a guy while we here supposed to be hanging out....can't even talk to her....She has ADD but that's not simply getting distracted I do know the difference. My friend from NE called me last night and talked about this and that then when I mention I'm fucking stressed out, she has to go call other people to BS with...so that's more important. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST if she was upset I would call my friends and say sorry, my other friend needs me right now. So when you're bipolar everyone is your friend when you're entertaining or blow money on them but when you need a friend they abandon you. Just people on here who whine and bitch I help the all the time yet they fucking won't reply to any of my threads so FUCK YOU.
Thanks Paz and Kensho.
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The judges head spins confused.
For order is just a center pivot.
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Paz
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« Reply #4 on: November 21, 2011, 11:21:05 AM » |
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I also find that many times people I know are all about talking about THEIR problems, but when I want or NEED to talk about what's bugging me, they are too busy or they "have to go now, catch you later".
I don't think that they are doing it because I am Bipolar, I think that they are just selfish and that they are they types who have the propensity to just suck the life out of other people/relationships.
People really suck sometimes!
I think you might just want to talk to the people who actually put some effort into friendship......That way you won't get the feeling of disappointment/abandonment.
(((INTERGALACTIC SUPERSTAR HUGS)))
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If you tremble indignation at every injustice then you are a comrade of mine. - Che Guevara
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Kensho
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« Reply #5 on: November 21, 2011, 04:22:24 PM » |
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when i finally feel apart a significant number of friends slowly stepped out of my life... four hung in there and would visit me from time to time and they all remained in close contact with cheryl... i'm very grateful for them, especially now that things have changed so much for me... i wonder when i'm out and about again and i run into one or two of the ones who bailed what they might say to me... i was always there for them before this all happened... like i said Dreamline, i wish you were my friend in real life... (((((BIG HUGZZZ))))) Kensho |
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"it is possible to undergo a profound crisis involving non-ordinary experiences and to perceive it as pathological or psychiatric when in fact it may be more accurately and beneficially defined as a spiritual emergency..." ~~~ Stanislav Grof MD, PhD a passage from "Spiritual Emergency"
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Dreamline
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« Reply #6 on: November 21, 2011, 06:35:03 PM » |
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Paz, I took some rescue remedy and I did help but I may still end up taking the risperidone. My brother gave me the RR and I just rediscovered I had it and was like wtf why not....now I just feel restless apathy hahaha. My mind is still blank and numb for some reason...well, thanks again for the chat.
Kensho, people like that suck...I wonder what they would say too. Sometimes I want to go find people and lecture their ass. I'm so glad I have my dog you never know when fucking people will abandon you but a dog won't. Don't worry Kensho this is real too.
I really want to do some shrooms...not with any of the assholes who don't have time for me. So that leaves me with my dog, running into somebody or solitude. I really want to do them with somebody cool, I'll wait. I just want to meet new people somehow too. I'm into the keep what is good throw away what is not philosophy...it goes for everything. Some people keeps friends that they wouldn't keep as boy/girlfriends.
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The judges head spins confused.
For order is just a center pivot.
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spongebobfan
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« Reply #7 on: November 21, 2011, 09:48:58 PM » |
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Yep, that sucks! I unfortunately have no words of wisdom. I often feel like people have drifted out of friendship with me because they don't like to put up with me when I'm depressed. People are all too ready to play when the mania comes out but boy when the mood changes the crickets are all that's left. I'm sorry to hear you are having a rough time. I always wish there was magic wand I could wave to make things better for others. Rather than tell you everything will be fine as so many people mindlessly do I'll just say I hear you and I hope you feel better soon.
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Dreamline
Freak of art.
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« Reply #8 on: November 21, 2011, 11:31:23 PM » |
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Thanks SBfan that was realistic...I mean seriously you're right, somebody telling you every thing's fine when its not really sucks. Update: I took some risperidone and its starting to kick in now. I kept thinking all day that I'm fine but I was driving myself crazy by pacing in circles. I didn't talk to anyone all day (accept Paz) like nothing was going on in my head but numbness...most of my thoughts were numb and pointless to say. I felt cynical about everything and horrible shit is funny...like picturing somebody's broken bones make me smile, that's fucked up I know but it makes me laugh, same with other shit. Oh well at least I know I'm crazy...esp when the risperidone started kicking in I realize just how fucked I am....again. Right Paz?   Maybe it will make me sleep I took some melatonin too just a minute ago. Why does stress have to fuck us BP people up so much...cuz that's how this started. |
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The judges head spins confused.
For order is just a center pivot.
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Paz
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« Reply #9 on: November 21, 2011, 11:56:46 PM » |
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Stress is a Bipolar's worst enemy.......we must defeat it at all costs!
Hope you are a bit calmer, my friend.
(((INTERGALACTIC SUPERSTAR HUGS)))
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If you tremble indignation at every injustice then you are a comrade of mine. - Che Guevara
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Dreamline
Freak of art.
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« Reply #10 on: November 22, 2011, 12:59:00 AM » |
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There's an owl outside in the tree, I want to make friends with it! |
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The judges head spins confused.
For order is just a center pivot.
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Dreamline
Freak of art.
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« Reply #11 on: November 22, 2011, 11:00:27 AM » |
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Ok I'm still high energy but I'm chillin, going to make some liver jerky for my dog. The irritability is gone and most of the depression and tweaking. I had this horrible dream last night that I ran over my dog and he turned into a cat then two cats...oh well I probably got about 7 hours of sleep. I need some stuff to make kefir but I'd have to go in walmart to get it. I wonder if I just drank a beer if it would be enough to get me through it.
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The judges head spins confused.
For order is just a center pivot.
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Paz
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« Reply #12 on: November 22, 2011, 11:09:28 AM » |
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Don't drink a beer, your kidneys are working hard enough processing the lithium in your body.
Remember what we talked about last night? Try the baby dose. And go take a long, slow walk. Breathe deep, and love your dog.
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If you tremble indignation at every injustice then you are a comrade of mine. - Che Guevara
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Dreamline
Freak of art.
Global Moderator
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Posts: 1687
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« Reply #13 on: November 22, 2011, 11:24:18 AM » |
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LOL I forgot how much I like beer until recently. Maybe codeine would be a better choice.
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The judges head spins confused.
For order is just a center pivot.
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LadyAshley
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« Reply #14 on: November 23, 2011, 11:27:52 PM » |
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I feel you! I HATE being mixed. It sucks!! Hope you are feeling better today.
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“Real revolution begins at learning. If you’re not angry, you’re not paying attention.” --Tim McIlrath
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