it's funny that you mention aliens... i don't know if i posted this here or not, but i have in other forums... if i have already, please forgive me... this happened about two months before i told my parents i didn't want to be a christian any longer... i was walking my dog down by the main bridge that linked my town of harrison nj to the city of newark... i was literally at the base of the bridge letting my dog do her thing and looking around and out into the sky... i saw an object but quickly blew it off as a plane and turned away... a brief moment later a looked again for some reason and realized at this point that this was no plane, it was moving at too rapid a speed and there was absolutely no sound whatsoever and it was moving directly towards me... in all honesty i expected it to fly right by me but instead, to my disbelief, it began to slow down and hovered directly above the bridge, my dog and myself... i can't honestly tell you exactly how high in the air this ship was but if i were forced to i'd say between 300 to 500 feet in the air, it was that close to me... it was pretty fucking big, circular in shape and metallic gray in color, a beautiful gray as grays go... and i couldn't get over how silent it was and it just hovered there for several minutes before it began to slowly glide away then building up speed eventually accelerating so quickly it was soon completely out of sight... when i made it home i told my parents what had just happened to me and i asked my mother how's this possible and she quickly dismissed me by merely telling me i didn't see anything and when i continued to try and tell them that this was real she screamed and demanded that i stop this... in retrospect, her accepting that i did see something would be denying her own faith, that God created her in his image and there was no other creation other then her... as far back as can remember i sincerely believed i was an alien up until around the age of 16 so seeing this ship reinforced my beliefs... then for one reason or another i let go of that idea almost completely... it was as if it was no longer a part of my subconscious in any deep way... maybe it was some sort of self defense mechanisms, i'm not sure... maybe it was done remotely to make it easier to live in this world.... in the future i would think about it from time to time...
the two years prior to me finally having a psychotic break i was going through some weird shit, all serious signs of mental illness during that long haul but i was able to function quite highly at a very technical job while maintaining strong relationships but deep inside my head i was pretty fucked up and one of the things i began to believe was that i was an alien and i was waiting for my family to return to get me... i would look for signs constantly and sometimes i found meaning in the silliest things... as a matter of fact in retrospect cheryl had said that this was a clear sign something was wrong when i first began talking like that but she blew it off as me being eccentric to a some degree because i wasn't constantly at it... she says she wished she had acted on it sooner... serious shit those aliens are... this is the real reason why i tell people to have faith, that agnosticism pawns atheism because there is something more, it's just too hard to tell right now what that something is... now you guys must think i'm a total fucking nut job...
yeah, cheryl is like you in the sense she doesn't like makeup either... she'll use eye liner only... in the past, she might use red lipstick when we went out on dates... between the eye liner and red lipstick would make her face pop! i'd feel like a love sick child all over again...
i remember reading that little story of yours... i laughed my ass off... you're not weird, you're just an wild eyed overactive bipolar desiring to exploration and friendship!
i can relate to the wolf too in many ways... the wolf is a very powerful, very sacred animal to the native... not too long ago i spent sometime reading about animal symbolism in the native culture and i remember reading that the wolf is supposed to be very intelligent, generous to a fault, very cunning if forced to be, overly friendly which could get the wolf in trouble at times, very loyal to others especially to those close to them, extremely compassionate and able to communicate ideas well... that's some tough shit... yeah, wolves are cool...
Kensho
