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Kensho
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« on: December 01, 2011, 12:42:49 AM » |
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i received some sad news a short while ago from a fellow Utuber by PM... it turns out one of the people i subscribed to, someone i thought was very cool committed suicide yesterday... he was one of the guys i told Geister about... a bunch of us would hook up on stickam and bullshit about different things, mostly about religion... i was always trying to tell him it made more sense to be an agnostic then to be an atheist but he never listened...  ... sometimes he would play his guitar sing for us... he went to berklee college of music and majored in music engineering and production and owned his own music production company... very very bright guy... he knew his shit, if he didn't know something he always told you so... during the past few months he seemed off, during the past month he began sharing things with us, he had alot on his mind including facing impending homelessness... his name is cando and he suffered from major depression...
<![CDATA[<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/TIOsKUORtM4&rel=1" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/TIOsKUORtM4&rel=1</a>]]>Kensho  |
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"it is possible to undergo a profound crisis involving non-ordinary experiences and to perceive it as pathological or psychiatric when in fact it may be more accurately and beneficially defined as a spiritual emergency..." ~~~ Stanislav Grof MD, PhD a passage from "Spiritual Emergency"
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spongebobfan
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« Reply #1 on: December 01, 2011, 10:34:47 AM » |
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Oh I'm so sorry. What terrible news! It's always sad when someone passes but even more so I think when it's because they've reached a breaking point and see no other option. Hope you are doing okay.
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Kensho
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« Reply #2 on: December 01, 2011, 11:27:39 AM » |
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thank you spongebobfan, i appreciate it... it is what it is unfortunately... i said a prayer to the great spirit on his behalf even though i know he wouldn't want me to... i received another PM from another Utuber who hung out in the room and she said she offered him to come live with her in san francisco less then a week ago and he declined... when i was really sick i would think about suicide everyday during long stretches of time and there would be many days that's all i would think about... i felt so alone and isolated, even from my wife, i don't know if any of you can relate, it was terrible... in the early stages i returned to christ thinking this was punishment for abandoning him when i was 13... i would spend hours upon hours reading the bible on biblegateway and still got no relief... one night my wife sat me down at the kitchen table, she was crying and she said "look what you're doing to yourself, can't you see this?" or something along those lines among other things... within a week the great spirit came to my rescue and i was almost instantly able to walk away from it... the only thing that allowed me to hang on was my love for my family and friends and what my death might do to them... i'll miss cando... i understand his pain, he obviously had nothing to look forward to, to be willing to do this... whether he likes it or not he's with the great spirit now and is now part of the universe... Kensho |
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"it is possible to undergo a profound crisis involving non-ordinary experiences and to perceive it as pathological or psychiatric when in fact it may be more accurately and beneficially defined as a spiritual emergency..." ~~~ Stanislav Grof MD, PhD a passage from "Spiritual Emergency"
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Dreamline
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« Reply #3 on: December 01, 2011, 12:54:56 PM » |
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I bet his spirit thanks you Kensho. I can empathize too about suicide...I remember when I was 14 maybe...I kept thinking how I was being punished for the same thing, not following the word of "god". The bible didn't help, church people would try to help saying "just smile"...they even don't know who god is. I felt I had nothing to look forward to and kept thinking about dying and then killing myself. I kept thinking about it until one day I decided. I had a little black chow/setter cross who was looking after me, I could have done it to everyone else but to her I could not. Sorry Kensho.
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The judges head spins confused.
For order is just a center pivot.
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Kensho
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« Reply #4 on: December 01, 2011, 05:21:36 PM » |
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thank you Dreamline... i really appreciate your friendship and i'm glad that you found the will to live... it's interesting that people find comfort in it... personally i love jesus, but not the jesus of the bible... i've read so many other texts that included jesus and they portrayed him in a more metaphysical way, for instance reincarnation, jesus spoke of a recycling of souls... the roman church couldn't have that because that would trump their position on hell or unique creation... jesus also taught that God was within, that we were God... i have a book by a biblical scholar named paula fredricksen, i can't recall the name right now, i'll have to dig it up but in it she suggested that there was real evidence that jesus spent in upwards of 17 years of his life in asia... this would support some of his teachings from the other texts that i've read, it all blends together... by the way, paula fredricksen converted from catholicism to judaism... i figure if a world respected scholar of the bible turned her back on the religion i must be on the right track... (((((BIG HUGZZZ))))) Kensho |
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"it is possible to undergo a profound crisis involving non-ordinary experiences and to perceive it as pathological or psychiatric when in fact it may be more accurately and beneficially defined as a spiritual emergency..." ~~~ Stanislav Grof MD, PhD a passage from "Spiritual Emergency"
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Dreamline
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« Reply #5 on: December 01, 2011, 08:39:32 PM » |
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I'm very interested in more info on the real Jesus. I have heard bits and pieces of it but not in depth or anything. If you can point me in the right direction if time allows, I would appreciate it. Rock on.  |
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The judges head spins confused.
For order is just a center pivot.
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Paz
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« Reply #6 on: December 02, 2011, 07:22:28 AM » |
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I am very sorry for the loss of your friend.  Suicide is not the answer. Unfortunately I know all too well about it. SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER!!! |
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If you tremble indignation at every injustice then you are a comrade of mine. - Che Guevara
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Kensho
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« Reply #7 on: December 03, 2011, 12:03:11 PM » |
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thank you Paz... what can i do... you have to move on... he was a friend i made on the internet... i've made tons of friends on the net over time... hopefully none will ever become this desperate... PeaCe2U Hey Dreamline!  the second/backup hard drive i was using at the time that contained the links and PDF files at the time crapped out on me... i had over 200 gigs of music on it too so i had a friend who's in IT and builds and repairs computers try to repair the drive by replacing all replaceable components but it didn't work out... i have the books in the basement somewhere... i'll dig them out and try to locate a few internet resources for you... talk to you soon!  Kensho |
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"it is possible to undergo a profound crisis involving non-ordinary experiences and to perceive it as pathological or psychiatric when in fact it may be more accurately and beneficially defined as a spiritual emergency..." ~~~ Stanislav Grof MD, PhD a passage from "Spiritual Emergency"
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Dreamline
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« Reply #8 on: December 04, 2011, 09:45:41 PM » |
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Thanks Kensho, that's awesome you want to do that, take your time though no rush....in the meantime  |
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dm52
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« Reply #9 on: December 20, 2011, 08:31:19 AM » |
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Sorry to hear of the loss of your friend Kensho. It seems a lot of us have been to a bad place in contemplating that option. Unfortunately at the times when feeling that way, thoughts are not always that rational. Thinking of the effect on loved ones can be quite powerful, but sometimes I have felt as though everyone would be happier and better off without me. When I am in my right mind I can see that this is clearly untrue, I have a loving wife and parents who would be devastated if I were to go.
Dreamline, in regards to info about Jesus and his teaching I have found some of Leo Tolstoy's books quite interesting (he was most famous for his novels War and Peace etc, but towards the end of his life wrote a number of Christian books). He makes some interesting points about what Christ taught and how some Christian churches are really not supporting his teachings. He was big into non-violence. He had a large influence on Gandhi and his ideas on non violent resistance. Gandhi contacted him about one of his articles on this (A Letter to a Hindu) in 1909 and it seems they conversed a bit, but Tolstoy died about a year later.
Anyway one that I found particularly good was "What I believe". I have attached it if you are interested. His books are very old so out of copyright and easy to find in pdf on the net. I find the way he writes very engaging and he makes some good logical points, to my mind anyway. Might not appeal to some I guess, but check it out if you have the inclination.
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dionomo
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« Reply #10 on: December 20, 2011, 01:28:24 PM » |
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place tears here ....sorry for your loss bro its so sad to lose your friends in this way
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Kensho
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« Reply #11 on: December 25, 2011, 02:06:15 AM » |
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thank you dm52... i really appreciate your wishes... i used to contemplate suicide quite often and the only thing that kept me hanging on was what this move would have done to those that loved me... my internet friend did what he did for his own reasons, he's at peaCe now... i don't judge his decision... he's mixing it up with the universe right now whether he believed this or not... i hope he's digging it! i didn't have time to look at the tolstoy link because i'm trying to play catch up here, but i did download the file and am interested in what he has to say about jesus... i've only read war and PeaCe of his but i know he has written many other classics... maybe one day i'll read more... i know for sure i'll read your download over the holiday... thanks again my friend... happy holidays.. thanks for your wishes also dionomo... it is what it is... he was really only an internet friend, but he was a good one, like others here... i do miss him as i'd sorely miss others here too... PeaCe2U... Kensho |
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"it is possible to undergo a profound crisis involving non-ordinary experiences and to perceive it as pathological or psychiatric when in fact it may be more accurately and beneficially defined as a spiritual emergency..." ~~~ Stanislav Grof MD, PhD a passage from "Spiritual Emergency"
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LadyAshley
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« Reply #12 on: December 31, 2011, 04:22:33 PM » |
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So sorry to hear this. So very sad.  |
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“Real revolution begins at learning. If you’re not angry, you’re not paying attention.” --Tim McIlrath
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