Everything sucks :/

[Geister]

I can't manage my depression. No matter what I do, even if I'm happy for a second or two, it comes back. I'm crying almost constantly, and I really don't know what to do. I feel guilty for existing and  that everyone would be better off if I wasn't around dragging them down with me. I just want to be happy again, any suggestions?

[Phyllis]

***hugs***

You are going to get several different answers for the question you posed. You are at the beginning of the game so to speak, so you are going to have to run through a gamut of things to see what helps you. Is it vitamins and diet? Is it medication? Perhaps excercise? Maybe a combination of all three? There is also therapy that might help.

I can not say this enough, everyone is different. I try not to sound like a skipping record when I say, what works for one, might not work for another.

I get very bad depression. If you dig through these archives here, you will find my story. My saving grace was medication. If you get on a good regimen, it works wonders. I tried the natural remedies for depression, but they really did nothing for me. And for some people herbs don't work. Just like for some people medication doesn't work.

You have to ride out the storm. Find someone that you are comfortable confiding in. Someone who will just let you talk and they will listen. It is difficult trying to find something you enjoy when you are depressed, so I'm not going to waste my time suggesting you go that route.

Forgive me if you have already answered these questions or stated these things (there are so many stories here it is hard to keep them straight sometimes! ) Are you seeing a doctor and what do they have you on medication wise? I know you had mentioned something about Klonopin but I don't remember if they put you on anything else.

Another option is that if you are seeing someone, call and see what they would recommend.

Excercise is supposed to help you feel better, but it is difficult to find the gumption to get up and move.

[Dreamline]

...expanding on what Phyllis said...when you're down in the hole already, preventative steps like nutrition take time to work.  The best thing for you right now is to engage your mind...when its engaged, you feel better after a minute.  Don't do anything stressful, just something like brush your cat, clean off your desk/rearrange stuff.  Its like with physical pain, your throat hurts, don't talk but play a game and do crafty stuff until it gets better.  The more you do, the less depressed you will feel...at some point, make yourself get some exercise, how little doesn't matter at first its ok.  No pressure.

[spongebobfan]

Absolute agree with the above comments. Well said. Hope things get better soon. Depression is difficult for anyone to manage. I think short term goals are great. Start with easy things. For example, today I'm going to put on make up. Something easy that will also help you feel a little better. Theb gradually make the goals bigger.

[Phyllis]

exactly, small goals!

[Geister]

Thanks guys. I've been taking vitamins for about 1 week now I realize it'll take time for them to work though. Also, exercise is hard for me because A) where I live it's like -35 or so most days, on the warm days there's snow up to your waste, and B) I have agoraphobia.  I'll have to drag my boyfriend with me for walks I guess lol.

They have me right now on 125mg of venlefaxine, 4mg of Clonazepam, and 1mg of Risperidone. I take them in the morning because it helps dull the depression. But for the rest of the day once they wear off I'm stuck back into depression again. When I try and do things, like play games, etc my mind keeps yelling at me periodically "you suck" or "you're useless and are going to die alone in a ditch." things like that. Cleaning actually helps a little bit, I don't tend to hear my mind when I clean.

Thanks for the support guys, I'll definitely try the exercise when I can get my lazy butt out of bed. Along with just activities in general. Hope you're all doing okay as well.

[Kensho]

earlier today i received an email from a young dude in Australia who reached out to me on another site... turns out hen suffered from anxiety and depression from taking care of a chronically ill mother who is schizoaffective... i sent him a wall of text on what i would do in great detail... and i included exercise as a mandatory part of his recovery... i got a PM from him 2 days before christmas saying he was really having a tough time and although it hadn't been long enough for a diet to kick in i asked him exactly what he was applying and it turned out to be very little, including a complete lack of an attempt to do any exercise even after i told him just do something... i told him, you don't have to run a marathon at first... i even told him he didn't even have to run at first, just do something... long story short, he didn't reach out to soon enough because Christmas sucked for him and his mom but his new years were absolutely kick assssss!@!!!!

he began to run 2k and walk 2k everyday... 2k is about 1.6 miles... i'm not suggesting you start running unless you're capable of doing it and but just not into doing it... if this is the case? you must do it... you must start setting goals for yourself that involve being outdoors even if it's cold as fuck outside... bundle up, wrap your face in a arm scarf and start at least walking at a nice pace... breath in through your nose and when you do this try and focus on breathing in a way that you raise your belly or diaphragm, this is important... try not to breath from/at your chest, this is a bad habit caused by the life we live... by doing this, there is absolutely no way you can ever discover yourself... feel your rib cage expand with each breath... get into that feeling and always breath out of your mouth... after doing this a few times you'll find yourself breathing like this naturally... everything will eventually be on autopilot

while walking live in the moment... do not think about anything but this experience... try to apply what this women in this video is describing while on a walk or during your day... i'm not willing to let you off the hook by only requiring you to get away with only applying makeup because the next thing you know you'll just be back to the point rolling out of bed is a quality event... no way, i want you outside taking in your small part of the world... you need to start living vibrantly Geister... you are too young to allow this to happen to you... do not become what others are willing to settle for in life because damn it Geister, you're either going to remember me as some dude who was trying to push you over the edge or someone who said look Geister, check it out, there's a whole world out there for you, you need to stake your claim... U deserve it...



Mindfulness Meditation Technique for Relaxation and Health
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/GHTi0KwwiWs&rel=1" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/GHTi0KwwiWs&rel=1</a>


K~~~!

[Kensho]

whoooops!!! snow!!! snowshoes on ebay!!!



K~~~

[Dreamline]

Snowshoeing is great exercise...yeah definitely employ your boyfriend for walks...hey you could build a snow cave thats all tripped out.  Like use him to plow in front of you, find a cool place and build it, then go there for some meditation.  I dunno just throwing ideas.

[Kensho]

Do One Thing That Scares You
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/Q5m_O45fWQY&rel=1" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/Q5m_O45fWQY&rel=1</a>


K~~~

[macrent2]

The 125mg of venlefaxine will most likely pull you out of that depression in just a matter of time! It is known as a heavy artillery antidepressant! I was on it for 6 years, but it made me manic. But, it is still A#1 to pull someone out of depression. It can take a few weeks to a month or so. It is a bitch but it will most likely work soon. I exercise and that seems to help... sometimes.

[Geister]

I used to play in the snow all the time, kinda stopped after I got older. I'll have to look for snowshoes! lol Also, Kensho, you jinxed me!! As soon as I read the Do one thing that scares you, my oven burst into flames and we had to put it out with a fire extinguisher!  That definitely scared me. lol

[Geister]

Oh, also, the venlefaxine hasn't done anything for me yet, the doctor is thinking of upping my dose to 225mg soon if I dont feel better.

[macrent2]

Raising your dose to 225mg is still an acceptable dosage. However, anything above that and I would be VERY cautious... Effexor has been known to cause heart problems in higher doses.

[Dreamline]

LOL about the fire!