I don't see a point

[Geister]

I don't see any point in sticking around on earth if I'm going to feel this way all the time. The only things I think are keeping me here is my family. Everyday I'm anxious as hell or irritable or angry. I'm scared to go to sleep I hate being in rooms by myself, etc. What point is there in sticking around? I've never felt this depressed before and I have idea what caused it. I haven't done anything different. Suicide is your way of telling God you quit,  lol Gonna talk about some different anti depressants.

[Geister]

Just more random crap on my mind... I cant even distract myself from my depression. It just creeps up and within 5 minutes of getting rid of it, it's right back again. I can't read any more, I cant draw any more, I couldn't even finish high school
because of this. I just want a pill to make it all go away, soon. 

[Phyllis]

Hey you! **hugs**

It's gonna be ok.  But right now you probably wanna tell me to blow it out my ass... LOL
You have got to get on some good meds. You have to be careful, because a lot of anti-depressants can make you suicidal. Especially someone so young such as yourself. A mood stabilizer would be great. A lot of people use lithium, so there is an option for you. Something to speak about at your next doc visit. Also some that I had been on; Trileptal or Lamictal. Both worked well for me. The Lamictal worked the best for me though. There are a few out there to choose from.

You have to get an arsenal. Start note taking, start looking up ways to treat your symptoms (meds or otherwise) and write that stuff down too. Take it all with you when you go to the doc. If anything, just for reference for your own mind.

I wish I could say everything is going to be rainbows and sunshine, but it isn't going to be right away. You have to fight to stop the depression. You have to pull yourself out of that goop that keeps you down. It's gonna take some time, but you can do it. You might not feel better today or tomorrow or even next week. But you WILL feel better and the sun WILL come back out.

Take care, girlie. <3

[Dreamline]

As far as anti-depressants go...some people do better with Wellbutrin (it potentates dopamine instead of seratonin) or one of the other more obscure ones.  They also have risks of course.  And yeah what Phyllis said about a mood stabilizer...Lithium works for me, Lamictal works for many with fewer side effects (I liked it until I got a rash)...for depression those 2 are the best I hear....the others only stop mania in most cases.

Make sure you tell you doc about those thoughts, they can't hospitalize you against your will unless you show some intent to harm yourself.  It could be the anti-depressant...possible esp the younger you are.

Other than that...((((Geister))))...hey just don't let stuff like creepy albino bats in the dark get you down LMAO...I think you need to get out and simply play with some firecrackers or something exciting even if its not you can just sit there and stare at it....I dunno.  If you get irritable, tear up a stuffed animal, it helps.

[Geister]

No no, I really appreciate it, I'm not gonna tell you anything like that! Yeah I'm not sure what caused it, I know it's not external factors because nothing has changed. There's not a whole lot of stress in my life. The only thing I can think of is either a depressed phase or my meds messing me up (Effexor/Venlefaxine). I'll definitely start writing down what med combinations and stuff help me feel better, or make me feel worse, etc. So Lamictal is like a mood stabilizer? Thanks Phyllis.   I've been taking vitamins, lots of D, B, and this one called GABA. And every night I take a bath with Epsom salts, just trying to do things to relax me. 

I'd love to be manic right now, or just normal, or even just only a tiny bit sad lol. I'll talk to them about the lithium and lamictal, but err.. none of these are gonna make me gain like 50 pounds or anything... right..?  I'm not THAT young.. gonna be 18 in 29 days... Lol But yeah I understand what you mean. My cousin took anti depressants when she was around my age and tried to kill herself twice. I'd LOVE to have some firecrackers right now!  And right now it's more like I'm seeing faces in things like clothes piles and stuff, it's messing with me, lol. Also, I may be Canadian but I'm a real wimp when it comes to the cold! lol Anything colder than +10 is too cold for me. Though snow is pretty to look at. Thanks Dreamline.

I really appreciate the support guys.

[Geister]

I've tried the writing, to hand to my next psychiatrist, I've posted it here just to see what you guys think and possibly get some feedback.

[dionomo]

i feel like that sometimes too whats the point why even bother rite its like you get so damn tired of the bullshit
but then stuff picks you up sometimes and you get a little too happy it seems and then that all goes away
and your left to burrow into a deep depression like state and it make you feel useless unimportant and a waste of time
because no one will help it and its so hard to keep picking yourself up all the time
i didnt know if i would be able to work today but i kinda have to so i thought i would look on here
and just kinda post with others that are like all of us.. it makes me think its gonna be ok

[Phyllis]

i can't open your file. my computer doesn't recognize the extention and I have to download something to *maybe* open it. LOL But I'm sure what you wrote is fine.

And yes, Lamictal is used as a mood stabilizer.

[Geister]

I read it can cause hair loss though. 

[Phyllis]

so many things can cause so many reactions. none of this stuff is good for your body really. I mean it really comes down to, can you buy a new brain? No. But, you can buy a wig if you lose all your hair! 

[Geister]

And I guess it'd be neat having a wig.. I could have purple hair one day and green the next if I wanted! 

[Dreamline]

Yeah lithium can cause that too...but being on it for years and my hair is thicker and wavy and darker, more red.  My health is better because it enabled me to live better and eat better therefore healthier hair.  I have gained only muscle and lost fat...was 130 before now 145.  Some people have increased appetite on lithium and that probably causes the weight gain...if that happens switch.  Lamictal isn't known for weight gain I don't think.  At one point I was on both of them, no problems except for the rash. 

[dm52]

Hope things Pick up for you soon Geister.

I think I can understand somewhat how you’re feeling. Most of my experience with Bipolar has been on the downside and everything seems pointless. I can not see any reason to go on when I am like that, just being alive seems to be pain. I feel weight on my chest and don't think I can bear continuing.

Unfortunately the feeling does not seem to end quickly, but it always does (like Phyllis said). As hard as it is to keep it together, you have to keep trying. I can't say you will pick yourself up out of it, because that has never been possible for me, but you can wait till it passes!

As far as medications go, my last major depression was just before I got diagnosed. Like you I had no real problems in my life. I did have quite a bit of stress though, but I felt a lot more stress than the situation deserved. At this time I got put on an Anti-depressant (zoloft it was). I do believe that it worked, but it was not quick. Took about 2 months to make any difference though… SSRI’s can take quite a while to have an effect. After that I became a bit manic, which can be a bit dangerous, but it certainly feels a lot better than the depression (didn’t feel like topping myself any more that’s for sure)! It seems in general antidepressants are not the best for Bipolar people as it can send you manic.

After all the diagnosis and stuff and trying seroquel which did put on heaps of weight, I am now on lamotrigine (Lamictal). No real side effects for it as yet (6 months or so later). Hair loss is not so much of a concern for me cause I shave my head nearly every day . Weight gain has definitely not been a problem, lost about 10kg since stopping Seroquel and starting on this.

Hope your mood picks up soon, hang in there...

[spongebobfan]

I take lamictal. I love it. I had some problems with nausea at first but that has gone away. I've been taking it for 2 years and its been great. Definitely let your doc know that your mood has changed since starting the new med. Hope it gets better.

[Ashes]

Hope you are feeling better.  I seemed to do well on lithium, celexa and abilify.  Just remember this will pass it may seem like it never will but one day you will wake up and realize you dont feel as bad as you did.  It may take some time but remember your not alone and you will start feeling better.
Ashes