i feel like a person

[dionomo]

i kinda feel a little better after that panic i had from sliding down the road but who knows how long these pills will last
im taking what seems to be quite alot of meds but i feel kinda like a person but not quite all the way
i still feel like im on a swing of up and down with my moods and im kinda feelin wierd but i may but ajusting to the meds not sure
when i panic its not cool though i get really delusional feelin like im being watched and my anyone and everyone is out to get me
i really am not feelin sure i should go in public because people arent like us and we are more like things to them i think
and maybe they are but i am just gonna have to let that go i think but i still do think they are
and people will take advantage of us i dont even want anyone around me any more... is that paranoia??
im afraid i may explode with a delutional explanation of something that most likely isnt true or is not accurate i wish it would stop that
i was so crazy after that ride through the ice i kinda talked my head off and that kinda brought me down from
my own mind i thought that new world order was all around us and some other wild stuff like they are coming to get us from canada and mexico or something and we were the only ones left that were american just 2 people watchin tv and my delusions were so real to me its really blurry now but i remember most i think i cant think about it cause it kinda brings on paranoia i hate freaking out it seems impossible to avoid though
like i heard noises and all it was crazy like i was wigging out bad i think im just getting worse bp stuff
but i think i understand now how i get wacko when i am all panicy and stuff it went on til this morning in my mind
so maybe now i can realize its going on or something i dont know
it was a bad experience but then it was good because i got another date with this girl so excited
but at the same time worried my pill cocktail willl stop working and im kinda hyper now been cleaning and painting all day
sorry to put my life story on here guess this is an update i been worse and worse lately i need a vacation from life
maybe this can help someone else that can relate to this
and i was wondering if anyone else feels paranoid about all people around them???

[Geister]

When I get panicky I get even more delusional just like you if someone has a cold I'll think the government is testing biological weapons on my town, or that there's people after me, etc. I definitely get paranoid about the people around me and what helps me is to, if it's someone I'm close to, let them know so we can talk about it. Like when I thought my boyfriend was a government spy, or that my mom was going to poison me, etc. As for everyone else if I'm really bad I try not to put myself in situations with lots of people. Not sure if this is like how you feel but hang in there we're here for you and I hope I helped a bit.

[dionomo]

thats pretty much exactly how i feel i think my coworkers put things in the coffee to poison me and i tell them the caffine is making me shake which it may be but it also may be the fact i think there is poison in it ..sometimes i dont care though and im like i want to let them kill me so i drink it thinking this feeling will at least go away i keep trying to act happy and like im tryin to say im ok but its gettin harder everyday its wierd  u would think meds would help ..anyway im glad to hear im not alone on that paranoia sucks along with anxiety and bipolar all of it can fuck off!! this morning i went from ok to mad and almost aggressive towards everyone then like i wanna die to i need to get on here and try learn about this more i just wish i could feel better i dont want to work but if i am to keep (ok) if thats what this is i must go in so that i can make my lousy life a smidge better and have a (few) dollars i hate my life and i dont trust people unfortunately i feel like a thing now not a person this generally happens daily i just try ignor it and im to tired to ignor it anymore i need it to stop or i think i may just end myself cause im so wore out so im gonna drop a shit load of pills down and say fuck it!! then at least i can feel somewhat ok i may feel like falling over but i guess thats what is good for you around this stupid town it seems my mind changes every day as to what is real

[Geister]

I get like that too, I'll drink it anyway because I'm sick of feeling so paranoid and I'll hope things will just be better after that. Yeah, my medication hasn't been helping at all either. But we just have to keep trying. maybe something else will help you, something more natural? I know what you mean there as well, it feels like it's hard and just too much existing. :/ I'm in a pretty bad depression/paranoid phase right now too but I keep hoping that things will get better. I mean we can only go so low right? Things have to get better eventually, and once they do we can work on keeping it that way. Or well, that's what keeps me going a lot of the time. Hard to think that way when you think there's a swat team outside your door or people want to kill you though, I understand. :/  Just try to hang in there. ;0

[Ashes]

I was so bad for a while that I would only eat or drink from a glass container or can foods.  If I went out to eat I was convinced that somone put somthing in my food.  I would go to subway because I could see them make it in front of me.  I remember being in a store and the announcement over an intercalm scared me and started meking me hear voices.  Paranoia sucks,  I hope you dont have to deal with it all the time.

[dionomo]

i took a kinda big step and went on another date and this time there were several new people there some i didnt know would be there and i got to meet this girls dad which was good and i felt shocked for a second it was very busy in the restaurant ...then saw that there were 2 kids joining us and i felt a bit more comfortable children kinda make me feel like nothing bad can come of it or im safe or something and the night went well the others there wanted to do karaoke later thank the lord we didnt that may have pushed me over the edge or have made me feel out of place im no singer.. but they all seemed like a great bunch of people and it felt like it went pretty well glad i took a big step what i think helped was that i explained very briefly ,a few days before we went out, to the girl im dating, what i go though and that i have to take medications and she didnt seem bothered which was even a better feeling im still experiencing some paranoia which i dont think modern drugs will be able to help unless i was to hand over my every last dollar and put my life aside which is not what i would like to do but i feel as long as i can realize my faults and correct them without drugs its not bad enough to have to truely need medication if it does get to be to much i guess i will have to but for now im doing good in my life and just have minor flaws that i believe in time will only become easier to control and figure out i just wish it would go away but i think the more you go out and try to do more the more it seems you can find out more and even kinda develop a feel for what the problems are and how to correct them

[Phyllis]