Trainwreck

[Hopeless]

So I'm making a fool of myself and burning all of my bridges. I went on a rant over FB and destroyed a relationship with my best friend. Actually im going to end up losing my three best friends over it because I can't be friends with one when I am pretty much dead to the other one. I said some pretty mean and offensive things. And I'm pretty sure my entire FB is gonna get shut down. I just have so much rage and I take it out on the people that care about me the most. And then I tell them to stay out of my life because I will only drag them down with me. These people don't deserve me as a friend because all I do is knock them down. My life is a train wreck. My (ex) best friend keeps describing me as two different people an it really pisses me off. She calls my bipolar self 'it' and the real me is a whole nother person. She doesn't understand that I'm only one person and I can't control who I am. I will never be the person she used to know before I hopped on this crazy ride and there is no turning back. I'll never be my old self. I'm a new me and it's a me that nobody likes and there's not much I can do about. So I'm left to cutting them out of my life and moving on. This illness is quickly destroying me.

[Phyllis]

sorry you are having a rough go. bipolar is difficult for us to deal with, let alone people who don't have it. try and hang in there.

[Geister]

I feel the same way as you do sometimes, that I'm just dragging everyone around me down. I've had a hard time keeping friends because one day I want to hang out and talk with everyone but most of the time I don't, so they assume I don't like them, etc. Same with the anger problems, I take things out on my family a lot. It's not that I want to or anything, or anything they've done, it just happens. I think the best thing to do is have a talk with them (if you can) and get them to maybe point out when you're getting into that kind of mood? It's worked well for me and my family. Less stress and anger because I tell them how I'm feeling and that I could use some space/help calming down.  Hang in there, things will get better.

[Dreamline]

I don't have any friends either so you're not alone.  They only liked me when I was happy...fuck them I say.  When this ends it sounds like a you do have one good friend who see's YOU as not the disorder, its a good thing really. 

[Paz]

 I used to have friends......then they found out about my illness and started treating me differently. I hardly hear from them anymore, only at birthday & holiday time. It used to bother me, but not so much now......truth be told, I don't really like a lot of people. I am polite [most of the time] but I don't have the patience to deal with people any more. I don't know if it's because I am getting older, or if it's because of my Bipolar 1......sometimes the thought of going out in public scares me [depending on my mood] and other times I really need to get out and see people, not necessarily talk to people, but just see them out and about doing things. Life is lonely when you have a mental illness, not many people understand. That is one of the reasons why this site exists, so we don't have to feel alone.