|
grialte
|
 |
« on: May 07, 2008, 12:47:49 PM » |
|
Hi…
I want to thank you all for your replies; it’s been a while since I log in... Well, last time I got into the chat and felt really “busybody”… so I went away for a couple of days; now that I come back and I read your posts I realize I should have waited a little bit; anyway… my doc wasn’t make up his mind yet, he’s sending me to another doc but there’re not appointments available until June, so I guess I’ll wait…
I’m feeling really suicidal now, very, very down… I can’t do anything, I can’t concentrate and it frustrates me so… So what should I do? Stay here… and watch movies and read books until I die… I can’t go out because it the worst thing for me, facing the world out there makes me feel even more suicidal.
This place I live in… no friends, no life, nothing at all… I’m just the ghost of the person I used to be… there’s nothing here: I explain myself: I live in Japan, I don’t speak Japanese and people here doesn’t speak English as you may think, so it very lonely; my husband is always at work and he’s the only friend I got… So this place is obviously not helping at all… I was the same when I didn’t live here, but I’m really getting worst and we can’t leave, not yet, we need to stay and save money for about 3 years more… so I’m here, I can’t work (anyway I hate working) because every work here in heavy and I have bad knees so I’m unable to do this kind of job; I can’t go out because I feel miserable; I can’t go to a gym because I have tattoos and is a Japanese policy to keep out people with tattoos (so fascists); I can’t get myself into a curse or something because we can’t afford it; so here I am wasting time, unable to sleep; without medication and without a sooner appointment… feel completely lost today… my moods are not getting better… neither do my crisis…
Thank you so much for writing…
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
jmiefish
|
|
« Reply #1 on: May 07, 2008, 12:56:17 PM » |
|
i'm so sorry your going through such a tough time Grialte. =/ its no good that you cant go out or anything.. i know what you feel like.. sortof. i just moved to a different state to live with my grandparents and i dont know anybody here, i dont have a job, and im not in school. you just seem to get so wrapped up in thinking about everything, because what else is there to do? and it makes everything seem soo much worse =/ everybody here is great though and i've really benefited from just coming and posting here and getting the support.
i wish you well.
fish
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
::fish::
"its like one thousand papercuts, soaked in vinegar. like the battles with yourself, that leave you insecure. its all just a numbing charade, untill the day you wake you and you're finally not afraid."
|
|
|
|
alesiaw
|
|
« Reply #2 on: May 12, 2008, 11:05:48 PM » |
|
  Get TO A HOSPITAL BEFORE YOU DO SOMETHING YOU WILL REGRET LATER. Alesiaw
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
high maintenence
|
|
« Reply #3 on: May 13, 2008, 12:49:21 AM » |
|
I feel like you've been copying pages of my diary grialte...the only difference is I live in the US and they still don't speak my language.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
chasemanzmum
|
|
« Reply #4 on: May 13, 2008, 12:52:08 PM » |
|
The hospital was a real help to me. Please just seek professional help
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
If you can't run with the big dogs; stay on the porch!
|
|
|
|
high maintenence
|
|
« Reply #5 on: May 15, 2008, 03:33:29 AM » |
|
We can't possibly understand what kind of help she can get there. Does anyone have a clue what she can do really? We are not there or in her shoes. All we can do is listen and answer and hope to pass the days until God leads her to the help she needs.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
alesiaw
|
|
« Reply #6 on: May 15, 2008, 04:00:53 PM » |
|
I am a newbie here. I just thought I could give some free advice and opinions. you can do with them what you please. All I was trying to do was help someone in need. I'm sorry if I did this wrong.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
nordicnicki
|
|
« Reply #7 on: May 15, 2008, 04:16:14 PM » |
|
hey alesiaw....dont worry about it sure you never offended anyone  |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
bound and tied in emotion but still we fly.losing all my reason cause theres nothing left to blame.
|
|
|
|
alesiaw
|
|
« Reply #8 on: May 15, 2008, 04:51:23 PM » |
|
thanks for that response.  |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
clayton
|
|
« Reply #9 on: May 15, 2008, 08:34:00 PM » |
|
I've been in a similar situation -it seemed that I was worth nothing and niothing meant anything--and this day treatment bs I was going to only made things worse--eventually I went back to "urban camping" which held a lot more meaning--associating with the other campers was a lo tmore rewarding than day treatment. Nothing like sunshine and fresh air. I took up reading Bhagavad Gita As It Is and that opened a new dimension.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law---Love is the law, love under will.
|
|
|
|
grialte
|
|
« Reply #10 on: May 16, 2008, 09:23:58 PM » |
|
Thank you all for writing back…
To high maintenance… thanks for the unbelievable understanding…
Things are NOT improving… I need a place to write, that’s it... I can’t go to a doctor… so maybe I just need to say all I need to say in order to “keep me going”
This week I’m finally ending a “goodbye book” I’m making; I started about 3 months ago, is poetry and photoshop images… but in Spanish…
It’s all I have right now… Feel everyday more suicidal…
In the past I considered suicide, but not like now… This time I really picture me dying, everything, every part of it… I have this complete plan…
I am so down right now… but at least “desperation” passes for a while… (I call desperation, this feeling of anger and sadness at the same time, when I want to bit myself, etc.) All that remains now is this deep sadness, facing this world I don’t wanna live in; I’m not getting any better, Am I? And I keep doing these things to convince the ones who live with me that I’m better (faking) and I feel it’s the right thing to do (I’m depressing them) but it makes me wanna crack the walls out…
I’ll keep writing until… you get tired of me… everybody gets tired of me, including the doctors I tall to…
Kisses…
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
high maintenence
|
|
« Reply #11 on: May 17, 2008, 11:12:14 PM » |
|
we don't get tired of you. we understand you. docs do get tired of it, but we understand. It is very crucial that you have a plan for your suicide. If there is possibly any way, even through phone calls or letters to your family, please do, because this is usually how the illness consumes you. Don't please don't. Stick it out. I know how hard it is. I want to die too, so I'm trying to make it day be day, as you are also. Put the plans out of your head. Stop them somehow. Satan is begging you to end your life. Don't fall for his evil.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
alesiaw
|
|
« Reply #12 on: May 18, 2008, 04:17:42 PM » |
|
I couldn't have said it better myself. I said the same thing a few days ago and was blitzed. Maybe you will listen to this person. they know what they are talking about and are where you are right now. Please listen to them. Don't go that route it is not worth the pain it will cause your children, family and friends.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
