Have you "come out of the closet" re: your bipolar?

[HeatherJ]

Hi everyone,
I'd really like to hear from anyone who has told friends, extended family etc about their biopolar.  Was it helpful?  What kind of reactions did you get?  Do you regret it?

I was only diagnosed six months ago and so far i've only told my parents, my brother and his wife, my husband of course, and one good friend.

[nordicnicki]

the first people i told was my two oldest freinds......also told them stuff about my life.....they were shocked but said it did make sense of my behaviour.....then they cried as they thought it was unfair for it to happen to me.
next i told my boyfriend at the time.....he was great and asked all sorts of questions and said that was what made me special....he has helped me alot and knows exactly what to do and say to me to help.
my brothers were a challenge as im their baby sister who they feel they have to protect,only they are helpless with this and to be honest were upset and a bit scared....
as for parents i wont tell them,they couldnt cope with it,they just think im odd

[jtokc]

For years I stayed in the closet, telling only family and close friends. Then, when I developed an allergy to my meds, I had to start the med search all over again. It took months, and I began to act a bit oddly at work. Thinking it would be best to tell the truth, I told my boss (I had a wonderful job as a writer) I was bipolar. Then I was fired.

I went on the get SSDI. Then I realized no one could take my income away, so I did what I had always wanted to do--I wrote a book about what it was like to be bipolar, hoping to help others with the disorder. Now, everyone knows and I have had very little negative feedback. (One of my neighbors told everyone in the complex that I was crazy, but it was pretty evident who the crazy  one was). Most people are curious, but not hostile. I have received thanks from many for writing the book and am glad that I went public. However, if I had it to do over agaIn, I would not tell my boss. I would have waited until I retired to write my book.

Jane

[donna14]

I stayed in the closet with my bp for years.  In the end it did not help.  I was still outed at work, lost my job, etc.  Then I realized that I needed other people to know.  I needed to accept who I was and the people around me needed to accept it too.  If they could not, then they were dropped by the way side.  I am trying to help my 14 yo with this very issue.  I don't want her to go through life trying to hide her true nature and feeling ashamed of who she is just because she has a disease.  Once again, if she had a heart problem, everyone would rally around her.  Just say mental illness and everyone disappears.

Donna

[high maintenence]

I'm still on the fence on this issue. Most everyone knows b/c I live in such a small community in which almost everyone even shares my last name, but I'm not sure it was the right thing to tell anyone b/c of some of the hurtful things that they say sometimes.

[HeatherJ]

Thanks for all your replies.  I have this feeling deep down that I should tell people and not be ashamed of my condition, but I think I'm afraid of the stigma, that my points of view/credibility wont be taken seriously after that, that BP will be my defining trait, or that I'll be more lonely/isolated than I am now.  A few years ago I moved to a foreign country and as I had kids right then (three within 2 years) I've found it hard to make good friends because Ive been so busy.  So I'm not sure anyone here would cry in sympathy if I told them.  I have people around the globe who care about me, but they are just not here.  I also spend a lot of time with my extended family unit, all my husbands family ( my fam lives 10,000 miles away (i live in australia))... and they are really really sane, so sane they seem insane to me!  The women in the family all seem to work, be able manage several happy children, rub their belly while patting their head, etc etc.  And have no respect for the mentally ill.

I also worry what my kids will think in a few years when they are old enough to understand.

Anyway, thanks for sharing your stories.  I'm new to this website but as I have actually never talked to anyone who was BP like me before.  Its amazing how much I feel I have in common with other BPs...just little things, the way of seeing the world.

[HeatherJ]

Jane,
I was curious...what is the title of your book?

[jtokc]

Check out the home page, you will find it there!

Jane

[Lurker]

I have found that telling people goes both ways sometimes it has made me the but of, sometimes others say well that explains it, and others tell me there own personal fights with illness. So fuck those who are stupid and have issues with the whole idea that there is such a thing.
                                         Lurker

[Joe Buck]

HeatherJ,
  I look at dealing with bipolar disorder as a "work in progress". Not down grading the suffering of people with traditional illnesses but if they are successful, it's over with. They my have some residual baggage but is far less than people with brain disorders. " Other than consumers that do not respond to treatment, the discrimination & stigma of mental illness, is harder to fight than the illness itself." The stigma, misconceptions & inaccuracies of bipolar disorder exist in most societies worldwide. Mental health treats only the consumer. The other side of the treatment equation , is this huge mass called your life. A overwellming task, you bet; with all of our sweet asses, included! A "work in progress" for all of us.
  We all have some control with our treatment. Examples: Most consumers can choose Doctor of choice. Be proactive with Doctor in progression of treatment. Adhere to the treatment. Make necessary life changes. Work towards "total wellness."
  On the other hand, we have no control over the stigma & discrimination of mental illness. I believe coming out of the closet is a personal choice. Choose wisely & let the cards fall where they may. Just do the best you can. What more can one ask from themselves. And for the nasty people that make your life miserable. Screw them if they can't take a joke because the joke is about them.
                                                                                                  Sincerely,
                                                                                                  Joe Buck (Bob)

[k]

i don't think i've learned when it's good to "come out" and when it's not but one thing i've learned about not coming out is that i hide a lot and do not give people the chance to accept or reject me.   i know i recently reached out to extended family hoping to connect without coming out and i was rejected soooooo..........

[jmiefish]

I've told only close friends and some of my family (but my family are big gossipers so everybody in the family pretty much knows =/) but my close friends all seemed okay with it and found relief in knowing that the crazyness wasnt just me but the disorder. my family... they are very judgemental. they dont understand it very well so i get a lot of critisizm from them and negative comments. sometimes i wish i hadnt let them find out but i certainly dont regret my friends knowing. its nice to have their support and understanding =]

[high maintenence]

I have no idea what we were thinking when we told my husband's family. We only told them that I had been ill with a mental disorder. They really had to know this b/c all of a sudden I wasn't working and neither was my husband and they were asking lots of questions b/c they are always completely trying to get in our business. Also, my children were saying things to the other children in the family, so we just really had to tell, but as I said, all we told them was that I had a mental illness. They asked no questions and didn't seem to care whatsoever. Not long after that, I received emails and tests from the family. There was an argument about some things in the family (if you've read my other posts, I'm sure you know why). Anyway, they have been very hateful and have said "you should just go ahead and kill yourself" and "you know you're crazy, you said so yourself" and "we always knew you were looney". Please someone tell me that I am going to live through this. I'm in so much pain and have so much anger and I'm just way too overloaded and helpless...and I'm sorry I turned the subject to me again...damn damn damn

[HeatherJ]

I know its easier said then done, but they just dont sound like they are worth your time.  They must not even care about their son if they are treating you that way because in order to support him, they need to support you. 
The in laws is always a tricky situation if they mean a lot to your husband, but there is a limit.  I wouldnt take that kind of verbal abuse.

[francie]

Hi Heather...

i think that divulging personal, medical information probably depends upon the situation, and it's a good thing to discuss it with family (in my opinion).

my kids have known i have bipolar disorder since they were small... why?  because they had the right to know.

my sisters and others know i have bipolar disorder, and asking and/or expecting family to be "supportive" is sometimes like pulling teeth - i don't ask for understanding, help or anything else... they are all in denial, and it's fine with me... my sisters lived the same childhood i did, and i can plainly see why they are in denial about my illness... if they accepted it, they might have to face their own issues (god forbid).

i don't tell neighbors and people on the street, no... but if i can help someone, i do... i think most people are the same.

some things in my life are private.. i don't choose to broadcast my personal information with most.

take care...~~ francie