Have you "come out of the closet" re: your bipolar?

[HeatherJ]

francie,
thanks for the note...how exactly did you explain it to your kids?  mine are all under 9... and im not sure how to tell them and not confuse them at the same time...i am not sure they will grasp the concept of mental illness.

[Joe Buck]

Here's a spin about disclouse from bp Magazine in a section called "Sound Off".

Sound Off!
Should you tell your boss you have bp?


Ultimately, the only person who can decide whether or not to tell the boss about their bipolar disorder is the employee. And, every circumstance is different. If you have been thinking about telling all, read through these real-life situations. From what these readers tell us, the value of the disclosure can't actually be known until after you have had that discussion. Good luck!

I work for a mental health advocacy organization so knowing about my mostly stabilized bipolar disorder is actually an advantage to my employer. I disclosed this during the hiring process. I am also over-weight; something obvious to any onlooker so 'telling' isn't a concern. My weight doesn't entitle my employer to make evaluations or decisions based on that single piece of information. I am protected from that sort of discrimination, despite the fact that controlling my weight is in my best interest. Won't it be a fine day when an employer is barred from, and legally liable for, evaluating an employee through the lens of that person's mental health issues? Having survived and learned from difficulty deserves to be seen as the strength and asset it is.
-Jessi T., Amherst, NY

It depends. Be selective if you are thinking about telling your boss about your bipolar. Ideally, I suggest disclosing only if necessary and only six to12 months after establishing a performance record. But if you're having problems, don't hide them. Rely on the ADA and reach out for help. Trust and confidence between a supervisor and an employee ultimately is what makes the difference.
- James C., Portland, ME

Telling your employer can certainly be helpful if you're not feeling well and it's showing in the office place. Last year I was having a terrible time and my supervisor actually researched the disability policy and encouraged me to take two months off. Without that time, I could never have gotten my meds straightened around and be as healthy as I am now.
- Linda R., Washington, D.C.

When I started working for a corporation, being frank about what type of accommodations I needed in order to perform my job better was something that got some mixed reactions. My supervisor was very supportive about my disorder and had an open door policy, but some of my colleagues were very resentful and felt that I might be getting special treatment. I stayed with the company for four years and got a promotion- something I had never been able to do in my life. Being able to clearly state what I needed and having the support of my supervisors and some peers all contributed to my success. But I also had to deal with discrimination and stigma. So if you feel you have to disclose, be ready for some of the backlash. Make sure you have a support system in place and be aware of your rights under the ADA.
- Ramiro G., Rockville, MD

Disclosing is liberating. No more paranoia. Feeling like you are sneaking around somehow only makes you sicker. So take a deep breath. Face your fear. You have to trust HR, your boss, and the law, which asks an awful lot, but the law can set you free. But be discreet and talk about it only when you need to. Don't go around the plant shouting the news about liberation or accommodation.
- Herbie O., Harpers Ferry, WV

An equally important question is whether you should tell a prospective employer that you have bipolar disorder. I often wrestle with this as I do consulting work and take on new projects frequently. My preference is to not talk about it with ?the client or boss? right away, but rather to ask for things that I need due to my condition... regular hours, structure, adequate lead time so there is a very limited need for overtime, and flexibility (to accommodate medical appointments). After several months, if I have been able to make a good impression through the work that I am able to do as a result of the accommodations, I might mention that I not only have bipolar disorder, but that I also lead a support group for those with bipolar disorder. This leaves ?the client or boss? with an impression of what bipolar people 'can' accomplish- and often opens a discussion about the people they know (friends or relatives) who might benefit from coming to a support group.
- Rita C., Victor, NY

[high maintenence]

Heather, My kids are 10-16 and there are 4 of them. When things got bad, they automatically knew that mommy was different than before. My husband took the liberty to explain to them that mommy was sick. He told them that it was not sick in a way that I was going to die, but there was something in my brain that made me not feel like I was not myself and felt very sick...That's the only approach he knew to try, but my 16 year old continues to think I'm just crazy. Maybe this will help, but really, as you start to tell them, they will ask questions and you will know what to say....xxxhigh

[jeffhans]

Hi Heather I have had BP for over 15yrs. Most of the people that know is DR,groups,MICD classes,And wonderful people here. My era grew up with that you do not mention any MI. So its been tough for me. I would do what you think is best for you. You probably know who you can talk to about your Mi. But MI is a disease like other disease's that can be treated and live normal lives just like anybody else. Hang in their and keep asking for help from your piers here.Jeff

[cathylovesjoe]

I havnt told many people yet, only my mam, dad, and joe. But once I am officially diagnosed I am not going to hide it!

[high maintenence]

I know its easier said then done, but they just dont sound like they are worth your time.  They must not even care about their son if they are treating you that way because in order to support him, they need to support you. 
The in laws is always a tricky situation if they mean a lot to your husband, but there is a limit.  I wouldnt take that kind of verbal abuse.

What else can I do besides just "take it". I have severe anger issues and believe me, If I could do something else, I would. I've blocked their test messaging and e-mails, and we never go around them anymore, but they somehow always find away, through others or lots of different ways, there is just too many to explain. Sorry to sound rude if I do, but when people tell me that they wouldn't take that kind of abuse, it makes me feel like I'm not doing enough or that my husband is not doing enough to protect me. We even missed the funeral of my neices newborn and the funeral of my husbands grandfather, just so we would not have contact with the family. I honestly don't know what else to do besides leave my home, that is in the same town as them, that we worked so hard for all of our life. My kids grew up here and I don't think I'm willing to give them the satisfaction of running away from our home. I'm doing all I know to do to not put up with the abuse.

[HeatherJ]

im sorry, i didnt even remotely mean it the way it sounded.  im the most timid person in the world. 
thank you everyone for your helpful comments.
i wont come back, i can see how this website is helpful but arguments are too stressful for me at this point

[high maintenence]

arguments?

[clayton]

I find that one episode of being crazy on the street and you will be considered crazy foreevermore--that is called stigma.

[high maintenence]

yup

[ray38]

I resort to the need to know only rule. If they don't absolutely have to know about me being bp, I don't tell them.

[nordicnicki]

i have never told my kids anything about my illness....couldnt see the piont as they have never known any different with me right from birth......they just tell people im special,nuts and definately not boring...haha.
they prefere me like this than like their friends mums

[high maintenence]

Nicki, I noticed than when I was manic that I spent more time "being their friend" and they loved that, so I know what you are saying. I had to tell mine though b/c I changed so dramaticly all at once and was behaving in crazy ways that they hadn't seen before and daddy wasn't working and mommy was in and out of the hospital. Now they don't seem to enjoy being around me as much b/c I'm boring. They even call me old.