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k
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« on: May 20, 2008, 08:52:27 AM » |
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loneliness is the current black plague of much of humanity. music will help. books to read will take it away for awhile. watching the news and knowing about the world...a movie.........................but when you are confined inside your head there is no world or music or books only an empty space that is yours alone, a black sound proof closet with no doornob.
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in the end, only kindness matters...jewel
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francie
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« Reply #1 on: May 20, 2008, 10:53:00 AM » |
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Hi k...
i feel that way quite a lot, too... i have no social life here, and haven't for a couple years. No car till probably fall, so it's restricting. I can use my roommate's car anytime i like, but i only use it to go to the store, or take my dog to a park which is really close by. With the price of gas, and because it's not "my" car, i'd feel odd just taking it anywhere... even though i am told it's ok, it isn't really comfortable for me to do.
i hope you feel better soon.~~francie.
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k
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« Reply #2 on: May 20, 2008, 01:52:02 PM » |
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a doornob appeared for a minute and i used it. i took a chance and tried not to think too much and just drove to the local pool, i breathed in my anxiety and put a smile on my face and jumped in. it was the hour for lap swimming and i lapped in an hours worth of exercise and sun. it was actually nice to be around people even though i kept to myself and for the last 20 minutes i was rewarded with just floating and watching the clouds, splashing and smiling to myself alone in an olympic size swimming pool - a better place than a closet.
i am now back in my closet the doornob has faded but i have cool skin, tired muscles and a memory of floating in the sunshine.
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in the end, only kindness matters...jewel
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clayton
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« Reply #3 on: May 20, 2008, 06:40:47 PM » |
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Good for you, k. I'm fortunate to have a few really good friends that I can turn to when I get lonely-some of whom I met here. Course, yogis don't get lonely very often--they live alone in caves in the Himalayas and only gather for the Mela once a year--my cave is in Oakland, in a dubious neighborhood--at least I'm not the most suspicious guy on the street!--but I don't take a back seat to the guys in the himalayas---
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Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law---Love is the law, love under will.
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La Loca
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« Reply #4 on: May 20, 2008, 08:13:37 PM » |
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The funny thing is you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely. Actually that is when I feel the most lonely. Probably because I feel different and cannot relate to them or them to me.
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Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, today is a gift, that is why it is called the present.
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high maintenence
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« Reply #5 on: May 21, 2008, 12:05:31 AM » |
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Enjoy your time alone to the best of your ability K...I can send you some visitors if you'd like
Francie, I think you are so considerate of your roommate, everyone around here just holds their hand out for gas money and all other money they need. They're killing us. I know, it's my fault. You don't even have to say "I told you so". I expected it, but thought it would be over by now.
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Joe Buck
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« Reply #6 on: May 21, 2008, 05:37:32 AM » |
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K, I love your personal description of loneliness. I like the symbolism of the door & doorknob of the mind. Believe most people experience loneliness, but us BP's own the biggest market share.
A great 60's song written & sung by Mickey Newberry, titled : "See what condition, my condition was in." It's said to reflect the LSD experience. In mental health history, LSD, herion (to name a few) was experimented with & used on mental health patents.Freud had a LSD addiction. I'll attempt to give a few lyrics from the song. Us BP's, I feel can identify with the song.
I saw a deep dark hole & I followed it in. I went so far.. it was falling from within. I felt myself... I couldn't unwind. I told myself... I was losing my mind. I just walked in...to see, what condition, my condition was in.
Rock on............
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The Most I Can Do For My Friend
... Is Simply To Be His Friend—Thoreau
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k
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« Reply #7 on: May 21, 2008, 01:57:14 PM » |
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joe buck i loved that song...and that was before you gave me some of the lyrics. now i really love it. and, that explains Freud for you!
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in the end, only kindness matters...jewel
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francie
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« Reply #8 on: May 21, 2008, 07:02:47 PM » |
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Hi K... hope you're feeling somewhat better by now.. glad you went to the pool... that's great!
High, yes my roommate is generous, and i don't take advantage. I try to pitch in and do things around here, as well. She has bipolar disorder as well (bipolar 2). As for your family situation, High -- things will change and i'm sure you're putting your foot down.
Both of you take good care!
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k
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« Reply #9 on: May 21, 2008, 10:51:56 PM » |
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yesterday was a great day! i started out with another swim and i have found my family back on line and they have been prolific. thank you all for easing my loneliness and giving me a great couple of days. you guys are truly appreciated. Even the missing in action!!! k
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in the end, only kindness matters...jewel
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sojo
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« Reply #10 on: May 24, 2008, 11:22:49 PM » |
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Loniness is a way of life for me now .I have my mom and some people I can call but ,they are not like regular friends. People that don't have an illness don't seem to undestand or want to give me a chance. Maybe other people feel differently about that.I am having a hard time meeting new people right now.I am 37.The older I get, the harder it is to change I am trying to get more hobbies but lonliness does not motivate me to do a lot.Maybe if I join a shynes an anxiety group in bipolar meetup.com. It costs but not much.I need to enrich my mind with something besides television and consumerism.Thankyou everyone.Its all under control with my neighbors.Thankyou for your support on that ...sojo
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Ramji
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« Reply #11 on: May 25, 2008, 12:21:14 AM » |
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loneliness is the current black plague of much of humanity. music will help. books to read will take it away for awhile. watching the news and knowing about the world...a movie.........................but when you are confined inside your head there is no world or music or books only an empty space that is yours alone, a black sound proof closet with no doornob.
I'm definitely locked in my head most of the time. The sense of emptiness is beyond description. I've being doing a little better since I returned from the hospital, but I still feel lonely most of the time. My doc says I'm mourning the concept of a soul mate .... I think she's right. I lived for it before, but was deluding myself and now reality is hard to face. Good catch on her part, but I may fire her anyway .... that's another story. Too much info? |
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"Sometimes you're the pigeon, sometimes you're the statue."
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high maintenence
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« Reply #12 on: May 25, 2008, 02:26:18 AM » |
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Not too much info Ramji...please do tell....I feel in my own head like the world is going on without me in it. My children are growing up and seem to have changed so much everytime I have a "good spell" and am able to even open my eyes. I hear the things that are going on around me and sometimes even get up and go wherever they go, but I feel like I'm not really there. I just don't want my children to say that I am not there for them, so I try my best to involve myself. I love to see them in their activities and see them just go swimming or even just play football out in the yard. I love to read with them, play their TV games, playstation and such (even thought I'm not really interested), but I'd say 75% of the time, I just say "I can't do it today". "I won't be able to make it to the ballgame today". etc etc....I feel like such a sore thumb everywhere I go. I'm sure all of you read about the ball field bitch mom...I can't handle those type of things, and it's NOT an excuse, but anger sends me someplace that I just don't need to venture to. Not many of you talk about having this anger and I'm starting to feel like I may be having more of a problem with it than I thought.
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Phyllis
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« Reply #13 on: May 25, 2008, 03:24:56 PM » |
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Oh no dear. You are not the only one with the anger problem. My anger problem has been at bay (thankfully) for a good while. Just because it has been at bay doesn't mean I don't still have the anger, because I do. I just recognize the feeling of the onset and pop a pill like a good little girl, and then the world is a good place to be. Sick isn't it?
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high maintenence
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« Reply #14 on: May 26, 2008, 09:50:07 AM » |
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Glad to know I'm not floating alone, Phyllis.
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