Neverending mistakes,

they come and they go, they are here and they are now.

They are what is and what was.

They reap what I weep, they sow what I so.

I reap what I plant I weep what I grow.

I am tired thinking of these words. I had a tired contemplative mind. Lulling myself into a thoughtless desire my mind seemed to say what it wanted it to, to be silent, quiet and me. So eloquently in prose, so sweet it whistles through the scents of time, my mind rose up in spirit, sighing with a tired sound, let go this way follow you.

Meandering down a Hallway, I saw a shiny door in a cloudy way.

It said “not this way my dear”, “It’s been to late now”.

“Scurry up there’s another round, comin’ soon”.

“Don’t mess about this time or you’ll never get in”.

“Is it the only way really?”, “Afraid so”.

“Start along now musn’t be late”.

“Love is a time gone mad, love is a god undead mess.” Damn this way, damn that way, live it or love it”.

“You can’t see a beginning or an end.” “Here you go again leave it be, it stings”.

“Unclear why just another day of mine, Oh say this is all you see?”

“Why musn’t I see the feet in you streets sight?”

“It’ll cut off in midflight keep away meaness, I’ve seen you too many times before”.

“Oh when will it stop?” “Begin a weary day with another worry”.

In these hard times. I’ve been feeling like I make no sense to anyone in this world.

Unsure of how or if I ever will be understood. I’m tired of the never ending backdraft.

Its flames are always after me. I want a place where it will just be me. Never ending search I know.

Time, a game of find a mind.

The game is endless, mindless time.

Open a why, into a findless everytime mess.

When is this game ever going to end?

It’s all the same, all the same. It’s all the same.

Meandering minds, mean a favorite game and a senseless crime in time.

 Time gone you say “all the same”. Yet minds now gone say “mind grown”.

Past isn’t a time merely a mind meandering.

I was having one of those days. I couldn’t do anything right. I shut my cat’s tail in the door. Just an all around bad day.

I felt like I was in a twirling clock and I wasn’t anywhere at the right time. I don’t know how to make it right when it’s all wrong. It feels all wrong. What and endless wrong. Is this all there is wrong?

    I had a dream some’s dog was peeing all over the place “Like in that movie starved where the guy gets a water enema and runs around  splashing everywhere”, strange spraying the room like sprinkler pee. Then i’m in another room socializing and meeting people and people are like “oh I know you” and I say “yeah in a town like this it’s hard to get out of your image and even harder to get your image out of you”. I leave and go chat with some more people cause I don’t want to be near any of those people.

     Then i’m like getting a tour of someone’s home. I see a kitchen and people are like totally mad at me cause I laugh at a funny magnet on the fridge. Then I go into the tv room and start reading a book. I notice a page about moon enlightenment and how some people study it. Then I see another story on another page about how floors are truly never clean after you clean them. So I look around and of course I see pet hair cause it’s someone home who has  pets .

     All of a sudden I look up and the lady who owns the home walks out in a huff mad at me again for the second time. Cause she was mad at me the first time for laughing at her kitchen magnet. Even though it’s a supposed to be a funny magnet. ( This happens to me all the time, and I am on the other side of this all the time too), any ways so I go back to apologize to her and show her the story I was reading cause I really wasn’t meaning to criticize her home. I walk back in and her husband is in there. I try to show her the article but can’t find it cause someone has flipped the pages from where I placed it on the floor. She walks off still  mad at me. I turn to the man and am like “why did you turn the page which I was on”. “I didn’t” he said. 

   All of a sudden the woman walks in and says “your lying you always lie”. Then I get flash backs of all the time he has lied something about her dead kid and how he killed him. Then something about how he slept with a woman then had a kid with her. This woman finally kills her husband for finally finding out what he has done to her for years. Strange dream.

I think it was I watch too much tv. Some of these themes I can see coming from the tv shows I watch.

Just had to share cause I usually never remember my dreams accept very rarely like once in a while. I don’t know why I would remember this one it is so random.

 I see you in me, you don’t see me in you.

Worlds away we say what you see, is what you are.

Lost in are sight, we fail to see more.

So many of us see the same sights. Nobody see’s the sights I see.

Sameness is difference’s based on rights.

Wonder when a you is a me, and a me is you?

A sight yet seen by all I see.

I wrote this just putting up with some people. They had their reasons though they annoyed me at the time. I think it is immaturity or insecurity. It’s difficult to see how some people don’t see. I wonder what people see about me that I don’t see? Why does perspective vary between people is it ever possible to see all sides?

In my  mind, in my mind or is it time.

When I wake daily you can’t see my mind.

So on , an on, and on we go another moment in time.

Another song sung.

Waking in my mind or in unending time.

Let me speak what is unspoken.

Tell me inside of me you hear my feelings not just my words.

How I feel you cannot hear.

There are no words to speak what is the unspoken.

I have so many problems, that seem so unfixable.

That I just can’t seem to make people hear me.

I feel like i’m drowning and I have no voice.

Hanging on an edge, suspended between everything and the end.

I wonder and wonder when it will end?

Standing on a precipice looking at my end, is seeing everything?

Looking at my everything, is feeling everything?

Is feeling everything, my end?

Sometimes when a feeling is around all the time, it’s where an ending is this feeling.

What if there is no end to feeling?

I’ve been in terrible pain all week. So I was feeling very depressed about the extreme pain. So of course this is what I was feeling when I wrote this. I am sick of the pain, sick of it all. I just wanted to fall into it and let it go. But the feeling never goes away the ripping, taring feeling in my lower abdomen is excruciating painful. I keep praying it will go away it won’t. The pain pills work for a little while but they make me sleepy, then the pain comes back. How long does it take for the pain to go away?

Cold the world shakes with are shivers.

The tongues of the needy lay open awaiting the down poor.

Pain isn’t a guarantee when it falls, we pray until we grow with are prayers.

Shamelessly they glint up at the sky.

How many more days until the coldness lives and dies in their bones.

A neverending day turns into a neverending night. Still the sky blank with nothing ponders us back.

Bring me home.

Yet you do not answer, won’t you see us under you, in are wondering, watching, plight.

You ask so much, we give some more, so much more, and still more.

You swell with are cold, like a wart on skin, you grow old in our wondering, and watching .

There is no way to cut off this wart as it only grows back, time after time, above are wondering watching gazes.

When I wrote this I woke up from sleep in the middle of the night. Cause I had a dream it was really windy outside and it just ran through my brain. I had to write what was going through my brain, by describing this dream. I felt like I was with these people at this time in space. I know it was a dream it just let me imagine I was somewhere else. I guess I have been feeling like I want to be somewhere else for a while.

Ripped from the sky with a why? A life.

Now in this, know out.

Beginning is an end, end is a beginning.

Long lost in my millings about. Fettered about.

Can you spoute this toute?

Feasting on endless feeding.

Questions:

What happens to day when daylight ends?

Before it becomes night? Can it be both day and night at the same time?

Why is this called evening? What would you be day or night or evening?